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Sep 10, 2016
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Fill up on your regular dose of man knowledge this long weekend! Read on and get to know who among our girl crushes is getting hitched, the perils of sex, and an alarm clock that'll wake you up before you go-go:


Bear Grylls
 got stung by a jellyfish while scavenging for dinner in the wilderness, so he did the logical thing: Ask his companion, former Spice Girl Mel B, to pee on him. So kinky!


Is your daily cup of joe not strong enough? Try the Ass Kicker brew at Adelaide, Australia's Viscous Cafe. The sweet, toffee-tasting brew seems innocent enough, but it's got as much caffeine as 80 cups of your ordinary coffee. You're supposed to drink it over three to four hours—gulp it all down in one sitting and your health (and sanity) will be at risk.


Apparently, the saying "the bigger, the better" isn't always true. Kenyan Sorence Owiti Opiyo's manhood—because of a disease so rare doctor have no name for it—is "10 times the normal size." And while that's good news if you want to be a porn star, it's not a nice situation if you just want a nice, normal life with a family, which is Opiyo's dream. See, being average isn't so bad sometimes!


Bad news for our more senior readers: Frequent sex, no matter how fun, makes older men more vulnerable to heart attacks and other cardiovascular problems. The weird thing is, it's the opposite for women whose chances of getting heart problems in life decrease thanks to having regular high-quality sex. Not even viagra can help us out here, bros.


U.S. President Barack Obama's got a rough past week, but it looks like his week's finally turning around because, check this out, the scientific community has just named a parasite after him. Baracktrema obamai is a two-inch-long, hair-thin flatworm that lives in turtles' blood but causes no harm to the animals. Awesome, huh?

 
Whoever said cats were furry assholes obviously hasn't met Didga, a record-breaking floof who can perform 20 tricks in a minute. Oh, and she can also ride a skateboard. Meanwhile, here we are, still trying to do an ollie...


There are a lot of things money can't buy, but what if you can actually be super intelligent or extremely hot in an instant by just spending money? According to our British bros, they'd gladly shell out £281,676 to be worry-free and stress-free, £218,236 to have a happy marriage, £572 for a perfect kiss, and £8.7 million for a brand new life. They're also willing to pay £41,317 for a date with Margot Robbie. Your thoughts on these figures?

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In "Things That Should Surprise Us, But Not Really:" Kim Jong Un has banned sarcasm in North Korea. This is all America's fault!


Of all the people in showbiz who can be killed off in a death hoax, bakit naman si Ryan Cayabyab pa? Mr. C looks like such a happy, jolly man—the kind of guy whom we'd love to be our tito. Wag naman ganyan, guys.


And another one bites the dust: Isabelle Daza will be getting married this weekend in Italy, the third in her barkada to tie the knot this year, after Georgina Wilson and Solenn Heussaff. Any bets on who'll be next?


Like a lot of our readers, we've also caught the Stranger Things bug. You know what's better, though? Stranger Pugs, starring Doug The Pug. Watch it—it's cuter than Dustin, we promise.


Confirmed: Magic Mike star Joe Manganiello will be playing DC antagonist Deathstroke in the next Batman movie. Now you won't have any trouble convincing your girlfriend to watch it with you!


This orgasm-giving vibrator alarm clock gives a new meaning to "Good morning!" This little thing is designed to be worn inside a girl's underwear, with its long plastic rod sitting on her clit, buzzing when it's time to wake up (with 27 alarm levels, all silent, to choose from). Fork out £69 if you fancy buying one for your lady.

 
Twelve-year-old whiz kid Jeremy Shuler, who read The Lord Of The Rings when he was five and started studying calculus at age six, will be the youngest person ever to start an undergrad degree at Cornell University. Amazing. What have we been doing with our lives?!


Michael Phelps
' pre-game angry face has gone down as the winningest meme of the Rio Olympics, and, of course, Jimmy Fallon thought the record-breaking swimmer would want a life-sized cutout as a souvenir. Hilarious.

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