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Oct 15, 2016
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Get your weekly dose of man knowledge, fresh off the grill! We’ve got cute but terrifying animals, and fun tidbits about your favorite Hollywood stars, all wrapped up with a cherry on top. 


You don’t mess with turtles: they didn’t survive for thousands of years without being total badasses. Case in point: this Chinese softshell turtle who chomped on a man’s penis probably a few moments before he was eaten. Revenge done right!


Another animal you shouldn’t mess with: dolphins, which are cute but incredibly brilliant assholes. In fact, a dolphin was caught on camera angrily flinging a hapless porpoise out of sea, killing the poor creature. Whoa.


Ever wondered how much work goes into a typical porno? (We meant technical cinematic work…get your brain from the gutter, young man) Redditor LiedAboutMyExpertise talked about having a porn director dad in a thread about having porn star parents, and it was pretty educational: “Porn has far more rigorous lighting requirements than almost any other genre, because without clothes, you have to do everything possible to make everything as appealing as possible,” he wrote. Among the most salient points: Sex sounds are re-recorded in post-production and are combined with the original audio, and male actors use waterproof makeup on their penises.


The Rock
’s a great guy, so we were so amused after hearing Kevin Hart talk about his “diva antics” on Jimmy Fallon. Namely, The Rock’s penchant for driving to places 100 meters away instead of walking, like us normal plebeians do:


We’ll never stop dreaming about owning the Batpod, but we don’t mind settling for BMW’s version, the Motorrad Vision Next100. Seriously, we dare you to find a sexier two-wheeler.

Most people would get the boot after downloading hardcore porn on their work computers, and this insurance manager in Australia is no exception. But unlike others, he managed to squeeze a $10,000 unfair dismissal payout from his previous employers because his porn habit wasn’t automatically an offense that merits getting fired. Smart guy!


With the amount of porn they’re churning out, you’d think the Japanese would be really freaky. But nope: A survey of Japanese people aged 18 to 34 revealed that there are more virgins there now than in 2010, with 42 percent of the men surveyed and 44.2 percent of women saying they have never had sex. Oh no!


Even on your unluckiest days, we hope you’ll never be as unlucky as the 59-year-old Vietnamese man who snapped his penis while getting it on with his partner. We wonder what kind of position they were attempting…

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This is a frequent flier’s worst nightmare: A woman died on a plane en route to Moscow from Turkey, and the cabin crew just left her body laying on the aisle, covered up with a blanket. Imagine having to pass through this while going to the bathroom!


Sometimes, bigger isn’t always better. Case in point: a South African virgin bride got the shock of her life after seeing her husband’s penis for the first time, branding it as a “hairy, scary cucumber.” “My wife said she wanted a 4-5 inside her, not an anaconda,” said the Mnombo Madyibi, the 32-year-old groom. “Before I knew it, she knocked me over with a bottle of wine before attempting to suffocate me with a red and white teddy bear I'd bought her as a gift.” His anaconda don’t!

You’d think Bryan Cranston would have been hauling in the ladies since he was a kid, but nope: the Breaking Bad star lost his virginity to a sex worker in Amsterdam’s red light district. “She takes [the money], grabs my hand and pulls me into a room,” he said in an interview. “It was awful...and wonderful.”


Germany’s such a great, progressive country. So progressive, that they actually set up a website to encourage visitors to have sex with their residents. And it’s very thorough, with detailed descriptions of different aspects of sex and even a mini dictionary of terms! Seriously, go visit it here.


Bacon
 lovers, heads up: Processed meat ups your risk of getting colorectal cancer, but you can control it by switching up the way you cook your meat. A shorter cooking time cuts down the production of the cancer-causing chemicals, so don’t overcook your food. Wean yourself off deep-fried everything before it’s too late!


If you’re planning to name your firstborn daughter Daenerys or your firstborn son Han Solo, well, you might want to rethink that: a recent survey revealed that 18 percent of parents regret doling weird names to their kids. Let’s stick to good old “Jose” and “Maria,” shall we?


Good news, Potterheads: J.K. Rowling herself has confirmed that there will be 5 (!!!) Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them Hooray!

 

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