Gentlemen, meet the most powerful word in the world: “dibs.” So powerful is this four-letter word that Urban Dictionary defines it as the “the most powerful force in the universe” and that “there are few things that trump dibs.” And we wholeheartedly agree.
It is so powerful that when you “dibs” on something, the rest of your friends can do nothing but wallow and sulk in their total lack of alertness to scream the damned word first. Once someone goes “Dibs on that last slice of pizza!” all of us non-dibbers can only look longingly, fingers curling up with desire, as he devours that final slice. Sorry na lang. It’s akin to saying “Mine! Mine!” in a volleyball game minus all and any threats of teammates still trying to get to the ball.
With that kind of power, the scope of its usage naturally extended to dibbing on—sorry feminists, but don’t women do this too?—girls. Yup, big secret’s out. Boys dibs on girls. On the surface, it sounds like the kind of thing that only mustachioed chauvinists before the era of women voters might do. In reality, it’s practical and helps avoid misunderstanding amongst groups of boys eyeing a woman they all love. On the other hand, dibs, left unchecked, can also lead to imbalance within the group. We understand the male drive to simply dibs on every woman on the street, but that is just not cool, buddy.
In an effort to prevent such imbalances, here we’ve laid out the modern and gentlemanly rules for the act. Dibs on your attention! Now you must read to the very end or face the wrath of the universe.
1) You Only Dibs Once.
The same way you do not talk about fight club, you simply cannot dibs on a woman once you’ve already dibs (dibbed?) on another.
Above, we said that few things trump dibs. Here’s one: courtesy. Don’t be an ass, and dibs on all the pretty girls who happen to cross your line of sight. Not only is that a dick move, it’s also fruitless. When you dibs, you’re not frantically waving a magical wand around that will have girls falling for you left and right—fantastic as that might sound. When you dibs, you’re merely declaring your right within the group that you really kind of like this girl, and you’d appreciate it if they can all take a step back, and let you make a move.
You'll get what's coming to you, Mr. Pelican Greedypants.
Dibs is a privilege and also a very finite resource. Use it wisely.
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