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Who cares who you really are? Nowadays, women will judge you according to what they see on your online profiles.

We teach you how to keep your cyber rep clean and never get blocked from her timeline again! Scroll down now, douchebags!


1. The golden rule for taking selfies: Don’t


Also: no duck faces!

Just because the likes of Anne Curtis and Solenn look good while at it doesn’t mean it’s generally acceptable. “Simply put, it looks gay,” says Jhoanna, 23, accounts manager. “It’s enough that we girls know that you take care of your face, at the very least—no need to show gratuitous photos of yourself really. It insta-turns us off!” Think about it: men benefit largely from the selfie phenomenon just by being observers. So kick your feet back up and take it easy; leave the job to the ladies.


2. You're fit. No one cares!

What you think you look like when you're wearing a tank top

If your mug alone sends shivers down girls’ spines, imagine what horrible effect this has on them: you showing off your sweaty biceps… In a white sando… Exposing the dark linings around your hairy armpits. Nakaka-alibadbad, p’re.

3. Badmouthing an ex online? No wonder she dumped you!

'Sabi rito buntis ka raw!'

There is nothing worse than announcing a recent breakup or trash-talking an ex-girlfriend with your tweets or Facebook status. Private messaging is created specifically to serve that purpose. “Breakups aren’t the prettiest things to be plastered all over the Internet,” says Janelle, 27, product analyst. “My ex started to post our old photos on Facebook and made parinig too many times. Did I get mad? No, I felt sad for him.” Think of it this way: If you can’t keep a personal matter to yourself, then why should other girls trust you?


4. You’re alive! And so is every one else...

'WiFi isn't working. I can't post "I can't sleep" on Facebook!'

“Just woke up.” “About to take a shower.” “Getting ready for work.” “Didn’t eat breakfast—dieting!” “Bored.” “About to sleep.” Really, you think you can raise a family by posting by-the-minute updates
of your daily activities? If you really want to impress her, how about you try getting an actual job?

NEXT: Why you should never, ever like your own posts


From the Lounge Section of FHM's September 2013 issue
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