On December 21, 2012 (or December 22, 2012, this year's apocalypse all seem so true, but nobody ever really bothered to find out which time zone it'll come first, much less what time), when the first cracks on the earth show, and the sky turns bloody red, and the hundred foot waves come, and all hell and fire breaks loose—we'll be having a beer.
Unless it were really the handiwork of bug-eyed aliens the Mayans have been said to be in contact with and who gave them the long-count calendar, getting us into this End busines, we're assuming God who made the world is the one destroying it. So it would be fair to say that he would want us to enjoy the fruits of his creation before we all die away. He made water, malts, hops, and yeast. We got into a lucky accident and got them all together and—wow!—made beer. Monks in Belgium make them. They drank beer to keep The Black Death from killing them. God sanctioned beer drinking.
So we're drinking it.
And we're not just having a beer. For this one and final time we're not making our lista at Aling Terya's Sari Sari store longer than it already is with more Red Horse utang. We're going to the grocery and the specialty beer joints for these:
A Belgian beer that is memorable for its fruity and floral notes. As you'll see on this list, the Belgians seem to have perfected the recipe for beer, especially those hooded manservants of God. Cool and crisp, we'd recommend Hoegaarden for when brimstone licks at your feet.
Buy this great Mexican beer at finer grocery stores in the city while they're still open. Steal a couple of bottles on the 20th (or 21st—again, time zone!) if you want, because it won't matter if they don't make you pay for it, it's the end after all. Kind of like our own San Miguel Light beer, only there's a more lingering hops taste to it.
The Chinese working man drinks this golden juice, but that doesn't mean it's communist blue collar. Beers are supposed to be refreshing but we all know it doesn't really go down that way—this one does. Really. The original Tsingtao beer, made in the Chinese region it was named after, was made from the area's mineral springs. You can damn well taste that spring water in every bottle. Good to end the day. Forever.
How about a dark one? When they say beer has the characteristics of having a full body, they mean something like Guinness. Probably why they call it stout. It pours like liquid but flows like lava—slower than usual, hinting at the barley that it's made of. The burnt flavor and aroma is to die for. That, exactly. †
This is the one we've been telling you that has God's blessings. Made by Trappist Monks in Belgium, Westvleterens are rare and prized because the monks don't make it to make money, they may it because God told them to. This one always makes it on top of most all beer lover's list. Drinking it must be like ambrosia. Cheers to the end of the world.
WORDS BY ALLAN HERNANDEZ