We’re in the mood for everything sexy as FHM’s 100 Sexiest Party happens tonight at the World Trade Center. For all those who were able to snag those magical tickets to the show, let's all gawk together at them heavenly beauties, and witness the crowning of this year’s finest, Sam Pinto.
For the others who aren’t as lucky, well, there’s always next year.
In the meantime, we’ve prepared here a list that should keep you occupied for at least 15 minutes. Or longer, if you’re the type who’s ever tapped the pause button to check out Chun-li’s panties in a videogame.
Judging by the number of scantily clad women appearing in all manners of videogames, sex has long been offered as bait. We doubt Tomb Raider would still be alive past the second game in the series had it not been for one particularly well-endowed protagonist. And Chun-li, to the dismay of feminists everywhere, is just one of the many female fighters that seem to be a whole lot more comfortable fighting in costumes that open them up to pause-worthy situations.
But while the sexual element in most games is merely coincidental, an extra spice, the games below are a little bit more blatant in their approach. How blatant? Let’s check out the first game, shall we?
Custer’s Revenge (Atari 2600)
You’d think that with the absence of boob-rendering technology in the days of the Atari, game developers would just throw their hands up and give up at the thought of making a sex game. But these folks prove to be a resilient bunch, because they did just the opposite of that, and thus Custer’s Revenge was born.
The object of the game is very simple: you’re a Civil War general, for some reason you’ve found yourself nude in the desert with a raging hard on, and right across the screen is a nude Indian girl. Guess what you’re supposed to do. Sure, there’s a continuous rain of arrows, and dong-hating cactuses can just suddenly pop out of nowhere but who cares, right? General Custer sure don’t, as long as he gets his malicious, perverted revenge.
Leisure Suit Larry: Land of the Lounge Wizards (PC)
While most of the games here fall into the category of smut, Leisure Suit Larry is a different kind of beast. It’s actually a funny, well-crafted, and well-written romp in the mold of a classical PC adventure game.
The game went on to spawn eight more sequels (although the last one had zero of that Leisure Suit Larry charm) after the success of this first game, and has become kind of like a cult classic among gaming fans. The premise is that you’re a middle-aged man who’s fond of wearing white suits, and surprise, surprise, sports an obsession for women.
It’s kind of something that many of us could easily relate to, which of course proved to be a proponent for its success. Because as in our own misadventures, Larry also manages to find himself in ridiculous and hilarious situations in his tail-chasing “quests.” Which to us, sounds like a man we’d be glad to hear out in an inuman session.
Bubble Bath Babes (NES)
Imagine Tetris. Now imagine there’s a computer-generated woman lying seductively on a bed of bubbles along the bottom. Bubbles that fail to cover her breasts. That’s what you’ll be looking at 90% of the time if you do play this strip-puzzle game.
What’s striking is that who’d have imagined that a game like this would come out for the NES? While most of us were rescuing the princess in Mario or shooting aliens in Contra, someone, somewhere (in a dark basement, probably) was trying to successfully match bubble colors in an effort to get the game’s reward. Which is usually just a sad, sad screen with a badly-drawn woman trying to tease you into taking a bubble bath with her.
NEXT: How about a round of Miss Nude World?