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What about issues of domestic concern? Why in heaven’s name do you have eight children? You’re running a stable.
They were not planned, every one of them. It’s just the heat of the moment. No, seriously, they are living trophies.

Has it ever occurred to you that the money you pay for the tuition fee of your kids could have bought you 20 Playstation 2 units, a dress-up kit for your Honda CR-V, and tattoos all over your body?
Well, my wife Pia bought me a Playstation 2 for Christmas. I just work hard. Everything that I do is for them. That’s why I have a lot of jobs. I do VJ work, I host Eat Bulaga. On the side, I do Bubble Gang and have fun there. I sell my paintings, which are of animals, by the way. I call the series Hayup. Everything that I do is part of a money-making scheme.

Seeing the things kids like yours are into now—the fashion, the music—do you sometimes look back at your own teenhood, and say, “What the hell was I thinking when I wore that bright yellow vest?”
I won’t be who I am now if I didn’t do those things then. I still see myself in those days on Betamax tapes I have. Okay, so I did “Mga Kababayan.” I hate that song, but people assume I love it. When I see myself in LoveliNess, yes, it’s funny, but look at my hair—it was already gold before everyone else did it. What the heck, it’s just a job, man—to put food on the table.

You’re 36, yet you look like Ninja Kids just wrapped up shooting yesterday.
Because I’m a vampire. We don’t age. But I don’t want to look like this when I’m 50. But I know I’m the type who will.