1. THE BEA-JOHN LLOYD LOVE TEAM IS TURNING TEN
To fans, that’s years of steady samahan that promises explosive, mature acting. To you, that’s to seeing more of Bea Alonzo’s deliciously un-sleeved shoulders, while caught in compromising positions in front of John Lloyd’s crotch, spiritedly chewing off each other’s faces, and possible bed scenes—at least that’s what we gather from the trailers.
2. JANNO GIBBS’ DAD AS MISTRESS-MAKER ISN’T AS THREATENING AS DEREK RAMSAY
You’ve heard people say it: “Ay, parang No Other Woman.” Except in that Cristine Reyes and Anne Curtis-studded mistress flick, there exists a gutless, consistently-Mona-Lisa-smiling, tanned kalbo charmer who puts your girlfriend’s panties up in a twist. If all of Derek Ramsay’s formula makalaglag-panty characteristics are to be followed, then Ronaldo Valdez’ four decades older, less ripped stomach, mestizuhin, skin and unshaven head of hair self shouldn’t present your woman with panty problems. Unless you’re a Ronaldo Valdez look-alike.
3. AND JOHN LLOYD ISN’T SETTING UP HIGH MANLY STANDARDS FOR YOU TO GO UP AGAINST EITHER
Yes, he has women-swooning powers, but he didn’t need to workout those flabby arms, lasenggero-looking paunch, and pug-chubby mug to do it. The Mistress is another excuse for you to miss gym.
4. “LAYUAN MO ANG ASAWA KO. TAGALOG YAN, PARA MAINTINDIHAN MO” AND OTHER INGENIOUSLY CATTY LINES
Delivered by the just-out-of-six-year-hiatus veteran Hilda Koronel. Who’s said to be notoriously picky when it comes to reading scripts, and accepting acting parts. She’s also expected to act like your unrelenting, vindictive other half would when she finds out you’ve got a kalaguyo. Learn from it.
5. ONSCREEN KALAGUYO-BAITING MOVES AND HOW TO LEARN FROM THEM
Step 1: Do as Ronaldo Valdez. Step 2: Do as John Lloyd Cruz. Step 3: See which moves worked best and least with Bea.
6. “LOVE SQUARES”
Triangles’ controversial-ness are long past due, not to mention, clichéd. “Apat na sulok ng pag-ibig” as the movie announces it, has a far better ring to it. Not to mention harps intrigue: Will John Lloyd get it on with Hilda Koronel? Is worth finding out.
WORDS BY MARY KHYNE PALUMAR