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One good thing about being part of the college paper is you can always hang out inside the office and do your homework before the class starts. There was this one time while I was solving my algebra assignment in the office when I felt the urge to “let one go.” In order to cover the odor before it reached the other side, I lit a match. Within a couple of minutes I heard one of the teachers asking if anyone else smelled smoke. So I decided to throw the match in the trash bin. The professors got tired walking around their office, checking wires and wastebaskets, frantically looking for the “fire.” And when they decided to check our office, I was caught sitting on the chair with my algebra assignment, not knowing the trash bin behind me was starting to smoke. They sent me to the dean’s office right away accusing me of smoking inside the campus, but all went well when I cleaned my name by admitting I just farted. Although, to this day, when they hear anything that sounds remotely like a body function, I’m always the primary suspect.

Cells, by email
Illustration by: Mikke Gallardo