Surreal grandma
I went to the Makati branch of the Comelec to register as a voter last year. At the line, an elderly woman came up to me and asked, “Paano ba makakakuha ng number?” I told her she was too late; the Comelec guys gave out numbers in the morning. She shrugged and walked away. About 15 minutes later she was back at my side. She looked at me strangely and, to my absolute horror, took my right arm, embraced it, and started kissing it! I’m not bullshitting you guys—she was kissing my arm! Then she said, “Inaantok ako, gusto kong matulog kasama ka.” What?!! I don’t know if the lady was a freak but she spooked the hell out of me. I tried to push her away but I reserved a bit of respect for the lady even though she was out of control. Then a Comelec officer came for the lady. “Lola, ikaw na naman?! Kahapon, siningitan mo yung dalawang babae, tapos ni-reyp mo yung braso nya! Ang tindi mo lola!” Apparently maniac lola was a regular attraction in the area and I was one of her victims.
Dhan, by email
ILLUSTRATION: MIKKE GALLARDO
