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Dec 4, 2012
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The Western world has taught us that if you’re undergoing a crippling spell of depression, you should head to the nearest psychiatrist, lie on his couch to talk about that one time you peed in front of class, and wait for the doctor to hand over those magical anti-depressants.

That rarely applies to us third-world-dwellers, because we rarely have enough money to make it to the next payday without having to skip a few meals—what more, a regular trip to the shrink? Iinom mo lang ‘yan, pare,” we’d hear from our friends. Sometimes, the advice works. In other cases, you’re only being led unwittingly along the downward, spirally path to alcoholism.

Now you know better.

But without alcohol, where or who do you run to? Well, today’s your lucky day because the ultimate cure to lungkot, panaghoy, and dalamhati has just been unleashed, and it comes in the form of a book: FHM Bar Room Jokes. FHM has compiled ALL the jokes that you’ve sent us since the days of Alicia Silverstone, and put them neatly in a pretty, little, pocket-sized wonder that offers a tummy-twisting, lungpower-testing, laugh-out-loud experience.


“We’re not kidding; this shit’s funny,” FHM staffer Gelo Gonzales goes. And it’s going to improve your life in a number of ways. How many? Eight. Count it. Eight. Starting with…

1) FHM Bar Room Jokes will not only make you laugh, it will also help you make others laugh.
Know that proud, smug feeling you get when you deliver a joke and the whole room breaks into a paroxysm of laughter? Ramon Bautista and Comedy Cartel’s Alex Calleja sure do. So the book enlisted their talents, and had them reveal some of their secrets behind this whole business of being funny. Skim through the book’s 120 pages, and you’ll come across tips and rules that might just transform you into a comedic charmer.


2) FHM Bar Room Jokes might help prevent liver cirrhosis.
Ever wanted to be that one dude who never seems to run out of funny stories to tell at bars? Now you can. Conveniently-sized, you can bring the book just about anywhere. Tell your drinking bros, “Sagot ko na ang kwento,” and keep your mouth occupied with all the “man walks into a bar…” jokes you’ll be telling, instead of filling it with another shot of throat-burning tequila.

3) FHM Bar Room Jokes will make your bowel movements smoother.
We have no legitimate medical studies to prove that this book will indeed make your bowel movements smoother. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t, but it’s sure to make your trips to the banyo far less boring. The jokes have been categorized neatly according to type—a chapter about blonde women, pages upon pages of good old filthy jokes, a section filled with humorous observations about otherwise respectable doctors and priests, and a segment on wala-ka-sa-lolo-ko stories—so you can easily choose what kind of funny matches that morning’s mood.

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NEXT: Dick jokes, ahead!


WORDS: GELO GONZALES
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