First off, if you haven't seen the last two episodes of Game Of Thrones, might we suggest reading at a later time, since there may be spoilers ahead. The penultimate episode, "Rains of Castamere," which sent the Internet into mourning, aired last Monday on HBO. The last episode, if you weren't one of those who downloaded it, airs tonight.
Admit it: Game of Thrones has taken hold of your sanity. Just when the human-to-character attachment is at its peak, George R.R. Martin kills off fan favorites. The author succeeded when he said to Conan O’Brien that he wants his readers to feel afraid; even actors in the show fear for their lives, especially those who didn’t take the time to find out their fates in the books.
It’s normal to root for the Starks and the Targaryens, and like many fans who are still feeling the aftershocks of the Red Wedding, it’s time to play Westeros witches and decided to list down the characters we want dead. With our avenging spirits injected with adrenaline, we present our list, and we didn’t go shy at all.
What fun way of mapping out our hypothetical revenge schemes.
1) Joffrey Baratheon
Wanting a teenager dead is 100 layers of wrong, but not if it’s an undeserving power-hungry fictional character who gets on your nerves like dirty blood. The tiny king, who’s responsible for Ned Stark’s unlawful decapitation, is on every GOT fan’s hit list. Dreams about his death come more often than actual nightmares, and we definitely want to see this incest child rot to pieces. Upon hearing news of Robb Stark’s death, he only had one wish: to deliver the head to him so he can serve it to Sansa on his wedding feast. What a douche.
How: Sansa, with Tyrion’s approval, finally uses all her despair and anger. She decapitates him using a dull knife or a blade for a long torturous death, with his veins acting like straws for all the blood spewing out. This goes on for hours, until the boy king holds his last breath. Then, of course, his body would be dragged by horses all across King’s Landing with his head kicked by one person to another like a football. Perfect.
2) Lord Walder Frey
Walder Frey’s “Red Wedding” stunt made the TV-watching population of the world scream all sorts of profanities and depressed for weeks. When he decided that Robb Stark’s apology for breaking his promise of marrying one of his girls isn’t enough, he orchestrated a gruesome ending to a feast. Himself, Roose Bolton, and Tywin Lannister ordered their fighters to kill Stark, his mother, his pregnant wife, and his battalion during Edmure Tully and a Frey girl’s wedding feast. The massacre, as portrayed in the HBO series, is by far, television’s most gripping moment, at least according to critics and those who got depressed days after its airing.
How: Arya, with the help of his killer posse, the Brotherhood without Banners, rally up all of Frey’s heirs and kills them in front of him, including his new wife, if he decides to remarry. Then Arya s sticks knife through Frey’s throat repeatedly and says “my dead brother says hello.”
3) Roose and Ramsey Bolton
The father and son betrayal force have done quite the damage on some of the leading characters. Bolton connived on the Starks, and helped Frey make the Red Wedding massacre a bloody reality, while son Ramsey is busy showing what hell looks like to Theon Greyjoy after cutting off his manly parts. These two are scheming, cloaked with personalities one can easily trust. But in the end, their evil sides shine the darkest.
How: We imagine Jamie Lannister will get tired of Roose’s ass-kissing. Jamie reveals to father, Tywin, that Bolton’s men were the ones who cut off his hand. Tywin, willing to avenge his favorite son, gets enraged and cuts off both of Lord Bolton’s hands, then uses them to slap the amputated Lord before he finally pushes a sword against his chest.
As seen in the season finale, the fearless sister of Theon, Yara Greyjoy, rounds up her best killers and sets sail to avenge his brother. When she finally finds Ramsey, she peels off his skin and lets him live for 3 days tied on a cross. She picks one killer to force feed Ramsey with sausages until his gut blows out, then another one who cuts off his private parts and lets him eat it as well.
NEXT: Stannis Baratheon and company
Name a more iconic duet, we'll wait
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