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Nov 4, 2015
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You probably know vaginas well enough. But do you have any idea what those lips down there would tell you if they could talk?

Would it threaten you, and call vagina-security services for trespassing? Or would it command you to initiate a full-on invasion? Now, you don't have to imagine, because we've performed the imagining for you! Here's what we think it would tell you? 

1)   "KAILANGAN MO BA NG MAPA?"

When her vagina might say this: The first time you have sex because, admit it, you are completely clueless where to insert that newbie cum gun of yours. Go back to foreplay, check where it is (Google it if you want) and and find your aim, gent. 

GIF via Giphy.com


2)   "KAIRITA! MAG TRIM KA NAMAN!"

When her vagina might say this: When you're going down on her with a full-on hipster beard, and all that facial hair smothers her thing. Trimming wouldn't hurt, bro. Add it to your weekly grooming habits.

3)   "YUUUCK! LAWAAAAAY!"

When her vagina might say this: When you are using your saliva as a lubricant during sex. While it has been widely accepted to work that way, women still get this gross feeling because, well, it's saliva. The only thing you could do is to assure her that you keep your mouth clean.

GIF via Giphy.com

4)   "LET'S HAVE FUN FIRST!"

When her vagina might say this: When she just gave you head and you're about to NOT return the favor. Or when you want to have sex as soon as she gets undressed. Remember when we told you that most women are unable to have an orgasm through sexual intercourse alone? Take this advice, gent: foreplay first. Lots of it. 

5)   "HELLO! ARE YOU IN THERE?"

When her vagina might say this: When she doesn't feel satisfied with your performance. Always bring your A-game.

GIF via Giphy.com

6)   "AM I F*CKING A DILDO?"

When her vagina might say this: When you wear a condom during sex. To a woman, it could sometimes feel you are giving her a great, incredible back rub...while she's wearing a scuba diving suit. Our rule here: If you are in a stable relationship, and you think you're capable of having a kid already, just don't wear them.

If the said conditions aren't satisfied, however, we can't deny that protected sex could feel a lot more pleasurable than condom-free sex. Why? Because the anxiety of getting her pregnant at the wrong time overrides the maximum sensation that unprotected sex offers. 

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7)   "THERE'S NO WAY I AM HAVING THAT MANY BABIES PASS THROUGH ME. YOU ARE INSANE!"

When her vagina might say this: When you are talking about how many children you want in the future, and you tell her that you want a basketball team. They say delivering a baby is a hundred more times painful than having a period. Now multiply that feeling 12 times over, and you'll see why her vagina is reacting this way. 

GIF via Giphy.com


8)   "SORRY, WE'RE CLOSED."

When her vagina might say this: When she's on her period. Just offer extra TLC these days. After the Week Of Blood, she'll remember your kindness, good sir, and repay you quite handsomely. 

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