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Dec 15, 2015
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Presidentiables Rodrigo Duterte and Mar Roxas are currently engaged in an intense word war.

It all started when Roxas said that Davao City's reputation as one of the most peaceful places in the world is just a "myth" and an "imagination." Shortly after, as expected, the feisty gentleman from Davao retaliated:


Mr. Palengke has already responded to Digong's slapping threat and fake educational background allegations:


How did this escalated from implicit mudslinging to (planned) explicit palm-slinging? Aren't we talking about honorable (and civilized) public officials here? Two words: campaign season.

And since we're guessing neither man will back down from a (at least a verbal) fight, here's a proposal: Why end it at slapping each other silly? We've come up with nine more whimsical ways that could help Duterte and Roxas settle their dispute.


1) Rock-paper-scissors or bato-bato-pik

The simplest of all mano-a-mano games. The two can have theirs in a best-of-252 series or just a sudden death.


2) Sipa

Roxas and Duterte look like they're still spry and bouncy. Time to flex those muscles!


3) Dampa

Whoever gets the rubber band (which symbolizes the country's economy) farther, wins.


4) Ketchup-an

A variation of bato-bato-pik, only the winner gets to slap the backhand—not the face—of the loser with all his might. The one with the reddest set of hands (as if it was smeared with catsup, hence the name) loses.


5) Mercy

The ultimate test of strength next to arm wrestling, this will be interesting as it will be between a tough-as-nails mayor and a dude who lifts (sacks of onions and rice).


6) Nose hair pulling

Let's see who has the higher pain tolerance.


7) Paper plane flying

They might want to take notes from these guys...

Alternative: kite-flying


8) Pitik bulag

Not "pitikin hanggang mabulag." Take note, mayor.


9) Square na lang!

Or why not just leave them in an abandoned warehouse? Just man the hell up, you two!

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