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In second year college, my schoolmates and I watched our annual university beauty pageant. We had seats near the stage and the view was perfect. In the talent portion, most of the girls did lame production numbers, so us boys got a bit bored. But then this girl suddenly came up. She was wearing a nun’s costume and appeared to be set to do another one of those stupid dramatic monologues. True enough, she began her stage drama shtick. But halfway through her act, she stripped her nun costume violently to reveals stripper’s clothing—tight strapless top, tight mini skirt and all. She also began to move like a stripper on stage! I lost myself at that moment and began standing up and hooting for the girl like I was in a dirty beer house. The best part was when her skirt accidentally (or deliberately?) got ripped, revealing her thongs and yummy butt-cheeks. All the boys in the audience cheered like crazed criminals. But I was the most insane of them all! Then the worst part happened: After her performance, she went to the row where I was sitting. I thought she would confront me, but she passed me and stopped, instead, by the lady beside me. The lady was her mother! And there was shouting near-obscenities at her daughter. What humiliation! You can bet any chance I had of courting her were doused that night.

Fency5, by email
Illustrations by: Mikke Gallardo

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