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Swing over here!

Golf swing lessons from your penis, devious tortoises and marital infidelity make up this month’s batch of loonies 

Jul 29, 2011
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A group of male lawyers in a firm lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. One transferred to another city, and it wasn't the same without him. Then a new woman lawyer joined their firm. She overheard the guys talking about their golf round and said, “You know, I used to play for the golf team in my college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?” The three guys looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say “yes,” but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but said they would be starting early—6:30AM—figuring the early tee-time would discourage her. The woman said this may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said okay. She smiled and said, “Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45.”

The next day she showed up at 6:30AM sharp, and beat all three of them with an eye-opening two-under par round. She was a fun and pleasant person, and the guys were impressed. Back at the clubhouse, they congratulated her and invited her back the next week. She smiled, and said, “I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45.” The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp, only this time she played left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she still beat them with an even par round. They were totally amazed, but wondered if she was trying to make them look bad by beating them left-handed. They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be purposely showing them up, so they invited her back again, but each man harbored a burning desire to beat her game. The third week, the guys had their game faces on. But this time, she was 15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable.

This week the lady lawyer played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them. The men mused that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, that they couldn't hold a grudge. Back in the clubhouse, all three guys were shaking their heads. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out. They had a couple of beers, and finally, one of the men asked her point blank, “How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?” The lady blushed, and then grinned. “That's easy,” she said. “When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I liked to switch back and forth. When I got married in college, I discovered my husband always slept in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his penis was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointing to the left, I golfed left-handed.” The guys on the team thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, “But what if it's pointing straight up in the air?” She said, “Then, I'm fifteen minutes late!”
Dean, by email

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