It’s our favorite time of the year—that’s aside from Christmas and the FHM 100 Sexiest Victory Party; okay, it’s our THIRD favorite time of the year! But who’s counting, right? What’s more important is it’s now February. The love month. The okay-lang-magwaldas-para-sa-date month. The only month men are allowed to be ultra-cheesy.
But do you have any idea HOW to be cheesy? Are you and your lady constantly bickering about your lack of romance? Do you attribute your singlehood to your lack of wooing skills? Well, we’re going to solve these all for you! FHM will be dishing out daily how-to-be-a-Don-Romantiko tips the whole month of February!
Thanks to science and fast Internet connection, phone sex has entered a whole new level.
You can be miles apart and still be able to seduce your LDR partner just by sending her a naughty message, and if you're lucky, get to receive something that's meant for your pervy eyes only. There's also Tinder and other virtual dating apps, which encourage online hook-ups.
GIF via perez.hilton.com
But of course, sexting doesn't mean you just need to compose a naughty message and hit send. It has become an art form, one that you should learn for the ladies to take your sexting game seriously. Also, you need to avoid getting on the bad side of it; you know, you don't want to be the next Wally Bayola.
This brings us to this week's Most Important Article For Your Well-Being: FHM's 10 Commandments of Sexting. Get your digital Casanova game going and lessen the chances of you starring on your own #Fappening scandal by obeying the following...
1) THOU SHALL NOT USE SEXTING TO CHEAT
Alright, so you've been sexting this girl since you got off from work. Telling her how bad you want her, blah, blah, and blah. The problem: She's not your girlfriend.
Well, we really can't force you to not be a two-timing, cheating douchebag. But imagine what could happen if shit hits the fan and your woman saw all the steamy conversations that happened on her back. Your partner finding out you're cheating is one thing; reading or seeing all that sexual interaction is on a different level of hell.
2) THOUS SHALL NOT SEND NUDES...IMMEDIATELY
Her entertaining your sleazy thoughts and sexual suggestions doesn't instantly mean that she’s also down to play the sexting game. So don’t even think of pulling down your pants and sending her a shameless snap of your schlong. That dick pic of yours can gross the life out of her and even put you to eternal shame. So, what to do? Well, it's always smart to ask first!
3) THOU SHALL JUST SEND NUDES IF YOU'VE BEEN CLEARLY ASKED TO
Imagine this: She's getting turned on with your poetic foreplay, biting her lip with every sexy phrase you send, and then, BOOM! A close-up shot of your thing stares at her right in her face. Way to ruin the mood, brother.
So, even if she says she's okay with seeing snaps of your jun-jun, wait for her to ASK FOR IT. Sure, it's not wrong to show the only proof that you're a direct descendant of Totoy Mola, just don't be too upfront about it. (You never know, seven inches might not be that long to her after all. #ConfidenceRuined)
4) THOU SHALL ERASE ALL SEXTS RIGHT AFTER YOU'RE DONE
Make sure not to leave evidence of your digital filthy act—even if it's from your girlfriend or wife. Someone might get a hold of your phone (that friend of yours who always doesn't have load or that pakialamero buddy of yours), so you may want to keep all the nasty things inside you head. You once were able to memorize the Multiplication Table, surely you can keep something this steamy in your brain.
5) THOU SHALL NOT SHARE
Just like in actual sex, sexting is only meant for two people to consummate. Keeping logs of all your private conversations (and nudes, if indeed there are) and sharing it to your buddies is just plain wrong. It's a clear violation of privacy and even crosses the boundaries of human decency. Don't be a low-life, bro.
Image via complex.com
6) THOU SHALL START SLOW
Sending her "I wanna f**k u"—in ALL CAPS—won't really get her near the flirty mood you want her to be at. Though this will show how no-nonsense and honest you are, it also implies how boring you are in bed. Again, just like when you're doing the actual deed, you need to tease her a bit before firing the big guns. Create a sexual tension in order to make your interaction, and her anticipation, hotter. Momentum is key, buddy.
7) THOU SHALL KEEP YOUR SEXT SHORT BUT STILL GIVE GOOD FEEDBACK
Remember, you're sending her a message and not a manuscript for an erotic novel. You really don't want her to fall asleep looking at those dancing dots while waiting for your reply. But also take note that you should also avoid making her do all the talking. Don't just reply, "And then what," or "I like that," or "That's sexy." That's lame. Sexting is a two-way street that requires both road users to complement each other—this way you can keep her interested.
8) THOU SHALL USE CODES AND EMOJIS
The language of sexting is a tricky art. You can't use the nasty bedroom words you're used to because it really won't translate that good via text. You need to be creative with your messages to keep her wanting and entertained. That's where codes come in. "8" means oral sex, "cu46" means, well, you just said it. If you're among the uninitiated, you can check this page for more sexting codes.
And just like we told you a month ago, Emojis can also increase your chance at getting laid.
Image via businessinsider.com
9) THOU SHALL NOT SEXT IF YOU'RE WASTED
Just freakin' go to sleep. Please. You really shouldn't be holding a phone in the state you're in, more so, sexting anyone.
10) THOU SHALL ONLY SEXT PEOPLE YOU CAN, WELL, TRUST
So you met this pretty lady in a bar a couple of nights ago. She gave you her digits before going home. You really have no idea who she is besides the fact that she's a friend of a friend. Oh, and the she can rock killer heels and looks nice in a sexy, black dress. You kind of hit it off during the short time you were together so you try your luck and sent her a couple of flirty messages.
You up the ante, and drive the conversation towards Sexting Avenue. And then...you get "Seen-Zoned."
Next thing you know, all your common friends are calling you a big pervert.
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