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Jun 19, 2017
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So you’ve spotted this cute girl from across the room, making the right amount of eye contact before she looked away. Now, approaching her can be tricky. Even with your confidence (and good looks), you’re never guaranteed a successful “hello” in return. Blow up your first move and you instantly turn her off. Or worse, send her running back to her friends.

Whether it’s at the bar, the library, or the office pantry, having the right game plan is the key to winning her attention. You need to score a great conversation without having her think of you as a creep. Here’s an ultimate guide to approaching women that will hopefully have her flirting back. 

Check for IoI—stat!  

Indicators of Interest (IoI) will tell you if you have a chance or need to abandon the ship. If you’re in one room, make sure to position yourself in her line of sight first. “For instance, if she’s at a bar, dancing, then be at least six to eight feet away to not encroach on her personal space, then try to catch her eye,” says Aileen Santos, a relationship coach. “This is the first thing that you should test.”

It’s a good sign if she makes eye contact with you and smiles briefly before she shyly looks away. Do this at least two to three times, and if you get the same response from her, then that’s the time you approach her to introduce yourself, advises Santos. 

Forget about cheesy pickup lines

You’ve seen them work in the movies, but if your one-liners don’t come from a place of authenticity, you’ll come out as the cheesy pickup artist simply attempting to land a lay. Be yourself instead and let the conversation flow naturally. 

“Start a conversation by asking questions you would normally ask anyone. You can start off with 'What are you drinking? Is that your favorite drink?' or 'What brings you here? Are you trying to unwind from work?' if you’re at a bar,” Santos explains. These suggestions are just that, suggestions. You don’t need to repeat them verbatim.

Also, Santos reminds it’s better to approach the girl if she’s alone or with just one or two friends for company. If she's in a huge group that looks like they're celebrating some sort of engagement, then hold your horses, buddy. 

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Be the nice guy

You’ve probably read some articles saying that girls go after “bad guys,” but that doesn’t apply to everyone. After all, “Chivalry isn’t dead,” says Mariah, 25. “Some would say it’s corny to be a gentleman, but deep inside it can get a girl feeling kilig.”

Being a gentleman can also get you a good first impression, which can impact your fate when it comes to actually having a date with this girl. “First impressions are very important, so when a guy approaches a girl, I believe it’s important that he has a good sense of humor and can relate to the girl in any way possible. We also appreciate it when we feel that the guy respects us,” shares Nath, 20.

Arouse her curiosity

Be mysterious enough to intrigue her. “When I first met my boyfriend I remember how I would find him noisy but that sparked my interest to get to know him better,” says Ameng, 21. Don't be afraid to let the unique aspects of your personality shine through. 

Always be confident

Confidence is always sexy. “When a guy talks to a girl like me, he should be calm and natural to make us kilig,” says Trish, 23. “The more you try hard to impress a girl, there’s a higher chance we’ll be turned off.”

“If you have already established that she is also interested in you and you have already talked to her, just build a rapport and be confident, but don’t overdo it!” adds Mae, 24.

Be naturally funny

Don’t be afraid to let out your funny streak. “Make us girls laugh. Show us that we can have fun with you. There's nothing more attractive than a guy who has a funny bone,” Shirim, 24, shares.

At the very least, flash her  a grin. Angela, 29, says that “a guy is attractive if he smiles from time to time, has a sense of humor, and maintains eye contact. It feels like he is interested in knowing you.”

Always pay attention

Once you’ve established a connection, don’t forget to make her feel you’re interested in every word she says. “Some guys love to talk about themselves and oftentimes they forget to listen and make us feel that they want to hear the stories we share,” MJ, 27, says.

“Listen to what a girl has to say. Hearing out her stories and what she has to say is a great way to keep the conversation rolling. Just showing general interest in the topic or being able to relate to her can make her feel comfortable,” Netly, 24, suggests.

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To get her digits, wait for a high point

Do it in the middle of your conversation, at a point she least expects it. “You need to look for that common moment like, ‘Oh, I also like the recent Wonder Woman film.' And once you see her laugh or smile after that, that’s your cue to get her number and the right time to say how you would love to hear from her again,” says Santos.

Make a quick exit

Don’t hang for an hour or more because it might create an awkward air between the two of you. “Just find a reason to leave politely to avoid running out of topics to talk about. That way, we will also be more curious about you and will definitely look forward to receiving a message from you,” Allison, 25, says.

Ultimately, Santos advises that if you want a substantial connection that can lead to relationship, you should always know your goals and do your best to get to know this attractive girl you have set your eyes on.

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