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Jul 3, 2016
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According to a study published in Research Gate, about half of adults have desires and fantasies that are unconventional.

The researchers came to this conclusion after surveying 1,040 people on how they feel about kinky sex acts. The results revealed that 45.6 percent of people have a desire for stuff that is considered to be out of the ordinary, while 33.9 percent reported having actually engaged in at least one of it.

Now, you're probably wondering: How the hell did they persuade their partners to try chains and whips, role play, or film the entire deed? We're as curious as you are, so we asked for an expert's advice.

Maribeth Brown, a family and relationships counselor from Las Piñas City, says the first step is to have courage to let your girlfriend (or wife) know about your kinks. "Kinkiness is like whipped cream on dessert; it adds excitement, creativity and pizzazz to the relationship. So go ahead and tell her," Brown tells us.

But don't just blurt it out. These things tend to shock, so you'll have to be gentle about it. Break the news to her when you're both in a good mood and have some free time to discuss the topic. To be able to suggest doing something kinky, you have to make sure that she is not hungry, troubled, tired, or pre-occupied, says the sex expert behind the website Maribethbrown.wix.com.

"The best time to suggest this is while you are on a nookie. While she is at it, you can see if she is relaxed, and enjoying the deed, you can then sweetly whisper a suggestion to try something new. Use the word 'new' instead of 'kinky,'" explains Brown.

"If you are speaking to a girl who is not an adventurous type, then use a word that seems harmless because when you tell her the word 'kinky,' her brain might assume things like: 'What does he mean kinky? Is he turning me into a porn star?' The only key to persuading women is the choice of words. The easier or more harmless your words are, the easier they get persuaded."

Beverly, 34, married for three years now, agrees: "Putting pressure on your other half to have kinky sex is not a good idea. If you do want to spice things up in the bedroom, then I suggest you sit down and have a talk and listen to what you guys have to say without putting any pressure on each other."

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If your partner is not as adventurous as you are, the best way to approach her about this is to collect clips of porn to shower her samples, that's according to Angelica, 25. "Be clear and blunt. Tell her: 'See this? I want this, and I want you to do it. This is like a walkthrough to what would likely happen.'"

Bea, 29, has another opinion: "First ask your partner if she has any kinky ideas you don't know about and say you'd be cool with those. If she does have these desires, tell her frankly you've also got a fetish then ask if she wants to get naughty."

If you don't get her consent right away, be patient and give her extra TLC, says Brown. She might come around and return the favor to you by getting kinky.

Our expert adds: "Women would gladly reciprocate a sexual favor if they felt loved, respected, and pleasured first. She won't try anything unless she feels that it's safe for her—say for example it's pleasurable, not painful. It will also help if you show her that you appreciate her efforts of giving in to your suggestion. Never force her or show disappointment if she would not do it with you at first."

That's the big thing, guys: Never force anything on your woman. Suggest ways to spice it up but if she says no, respect that answer.

 

GIFs via Giphy.com

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