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Mar 13, 2017
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A man’s package is his most treasured body part. It’s the one he takes care of and shields from harm the most. But there are those unlucky times when his penis gets a blow—the painfully unsexy kind. There also other moments when he does stupid things or loses his wit for a moment, which ends up making him suffer—very, very horribly. Below are stories shared by a team of urologists from a leading Quezon City-based hospital. Try to make it through the list without cringing.

1) The Husband Who Did Something Bad

Here’s word of advice for every man out there: Don’t piss off your wife. One of the urologists shared, “A man came into our emergency room with profuse bleeding coming from his genitalia. It turned out that he got into a huge fight with his wife. The argument must have been really bad because his wife took out a knife and cut off his penis during his sleep and fed his severed part to the dogs. We had to bring him in the operating room to control the bleeding but there was almost nothing left to work on.” Who else wonders what he did wrong?

2) The Guy(s) That Had A Weird Wild Night

Don’t be peer pressured into doing stupid things—and the lack of sobriety shouldn’t be an excuse. Take it from doc: “On a drinking binge, a group of men dared each other to inject petroleum jelly into the foreskin of their penises. Two weeks later, one of them consulted us because of a foul-smelling discharge and a non-healing wound from the site of injection despite taking in antibiotics. The infection at the site of injection of the foreign body was so bad that we had to do surgery to remove all of the necrotic tissue (dead tissue) with the hardened jelly. It was very extensive that his shaft had contracted (shrunk) and we had to advise him to undergo reconstruction.” At least he can rebuild (and maybe upgrade) his package, right?

3) The Guy Who Put A Ring On It

Some men just make you say, “WHYYY?!” Like this one: “On a whim, a young man inserted a steel ring around his shaft. When he got an erection, the ring did not come off and restricted blood flowing back causing the glans (tip of the penis) and shaft to be engorged. We had to use a bolt cutter to remove the ring, but by the time he got to us there was already extensive necrosis (death of tissue) due to prolonged lack of blood flow that there was little viable tissue left. We had to perform an emergency penectomy.  Everything had to go.” So long, soldier.

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4) The Mr. Independent

Wounds and lumps should never be taken lightly. Not getting them checked and treated could cost you BIG TIME. This one should convince you: “An elderly man noted a non-healing wound on the base of his shaft. He self-medicated with over-the-counter creams and did not seek consult for three months. The non-healing wound increased in size with growth of nodules (small lumps) he initially thought was scar tissue. Because of the persistence of the wound, he finally consulted. However, it turned out to be penile cancer and it had already spread to his lymph nodes. We had to remove everything.” Take a moment of silence for another fallen soldier.

5) The Dad Who Thought He Could Fool The Doctors

And when you do get anything checked by a doctor, don’t bother lying. It’s better for them to know the whole history, and more often than not, they’ll know you’re lying anyway. “A patient came in the ER in severe pain in the groin. When we examined him, he had a huge expanding hematoma (a collection of blood outside of a blood vessel) coming from his crooked [penile] shaft. It was a penile fracture. He claimed that his son accidentally sat on his erect penis—a story we know too well isn't what really happened (wink wink). Think of it as your erect penis hard as bone broken into two parts. We did surgery and repaired the torn parts and the patient went home whole again.” At least, he had a happy ending!

6) The Man With High Expectations

Another thing to keep in mind is the value of following prescriptions down to a T. Taking more meds than what was prescribed wouldn’t double or speed up the benefits, but it could harm instead. “An elderly man took more Viagra than what was prescribed along with his anti-hypertensives. He came complaining of sudden dimming of vision and dizziness and almost fainted. His symptoms were due to the combination of the effect of these meds lowering his blood pressure too much.” Be careful, bros.

7) The Ballsy Kid

Last, don’t act like you’re indestructible! Sure, this happened to a child, but men who act too boldly could have similar experiences: “A kid claimed he was running around without his undies on and provoked a neighbor's dog. He was attacked and the dog's sinked bull's eye into his right scrotum. Luckily, his testis was not affected, so we did not have to operate on it.”

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Special thanks to the doctors from the Department of Urology of East Avenue Medical Center, headed by Dr. Jaime Balingit.

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