A completely unscientific but hugot-free discourse on the most pressing question of our time: Saan nga ba humuhugot ang mga lalaking may pinaghuhugutan?
Hugot lines are those pa-emo or pa-senti lines you typically find posted on Instagram or Facebook accompanied by a similarly pa-emo photo. My question: Why are hugot lines so mabenta?
I noticed that hugot lines became a trend for two reasons. Reason number one: They are a discreet admission of one’s failings in love. The second reason is the fact that instead of simply whining in misery, hugot lines allow people to add a bit of humor to the drama of past failures. Quite a Pinoy thing, right?
But not all sawi are made equal. In fact, there are seven types of these "sawi sa pag-ibig" folks, which I have classified below. Which one are you? The sooner you can identify your source of hugot, the sooner you can address it, bro!
1) BINASTED DAHIL DUKHA
If you’ve ever said the classic “langit siya at lupa ako” line, this might be you. Let’s face it: A rich girl who thinks eating daing is objectionable won’t think you’re the ideal husband if you serve her tuyo.
Believe the telenovelas at your own risk. It’s easy to assume love conquers all, but more often than not, this happens only in a cheesy TV drama where the pobreng bidang lalake can afford expensive makeup and doesn’t even look his part.
Anti-hugot advice: Start saving at magpapogi. Make sure that when you reach into your pocket, pera ang mahuhugot mo at hindi alikabok ng kalsada.
2) PINAGPALIT DAHIL SELOSO
If you’re this type of sawi, anyone who even considers loving you is bound to leave you because of this tiny little annoyance: nakakasakal ka. Either you stalk your own girlfriend or you’re so insecure that you don’t want to share her with anyone, even her own friends.
If this is your default face when your girl asks: "Hon, puwede
ba ako mag-simba with my family and spend time with
them?" then yes, you might have jealousy issues
Anti-hugot advice: If you don’t want to end up sawi, deal with your own insecurities first before getting into a relationship. Green is not a good color on you.
3) NA-BLOCK DAHIL MAKULIT
Your motto in life: Try and try until you succeed. That’s fine, but if you continue pursuing a girl who has already told you off so many times whether on Facebook or in real life, you transform from suitor to creep. Soon enough, you'll graduate from creep to sawi.
Nope, spamming her with "I really, really love you" doesn't work
Anti-hugot advice: Take a hint. When a girl doesn’t reply to your 100 private messages, it means she’s not into you.
4) INIWAN DAHIL MARTIR
If you’re this type of sawi, your hugot lines come from your masochistic tendencies. Yep, you were asking for it.
Anti-hugot advice: Stop acting like an emotional pin cushion. There’s a thin line between being kind and being engot. Besides, your being a martyr isn’t going to turn you into a saint, more so one with a love life.
And take a cue from our hoops-powered hugot lines:
5) PINAGHINTAY DAHIL UTO-UTO
As this type of sawi, your hugot lines revolve around your Guinness-record level of gullibility. For some reason, you still buy it when girls tell you, “When I’m ready, magiging tayo na.”
And for some reason, this is your immediate reaction
whenever she asks if you can make her libre
Anti-hugot advice: Put it in writing. If she promises to be with you in the future, present her with a contract that contains an ultimatum. If she doesn’t sign on the dotted line, wake up and realize she’s just lying to you! She wants you as a fan not a lover!
6) UMASA DAHIL TANGA
Do your hugot lines come from the belief that you have a chance in spite of galactic odds? When she hasn't texted you back for more than two weeks, do you take it as a sign that she's just teasing you? When she borrows money from you, do you take it as a sign of undying love? If you said yes to any of these questions, then yes, you're probably Sawi No.6.
Anti-hugot advice: Don’t stare at her cleavage and maputing kili-kili. These are tools meant to hypnotize you into believing there is hope—when even the kabilang barangay knows that there isn’t any.
We repeat: do not fall for her tricks
7) DINEDMA DAHIL PANGIT
You ignore what you see in the mirror and say, “Libre mangarap.” I applaud your optimism! But if the mirror can talk back, it will probably say, “Libre rin masaktan.”
Anti-hugot advice: Face facts and compensate accordingly. If you want to bag an FHM girl, go ahead and dream big—just make sure you’re ready if your dream becomes a bangungot of rejection. Or we can all live happily ever after by following the great words of Andrew E: "Humanap ka ng swanget."
We're sure the late, great Rene Requiestas would agree
BONUS ADVICE: Someone once told me that if you look like a kanto boy, getting a car will make you look more handsome. (I’ve seen him both with and without a car and I must say he’s onto something.)
You know, I used to be sawi myself. That’s why I came up with my books Suplado Tips and Pogi Points—kasi naman, may pinanghuhugutan.
Hugot lines are so popular that some people—myself included—have made a career out of it. The reason my misery became the secret to my success: I have already moved on. Sana, ikaw din.
About the author: Stanley Chi penned the books Suplado Tips, Pogi Points, and the National Bookstore bestseller Men Are From QC, Women Are From Alabang. His most recent book, Chicken Mami for the Sawi, is now available in bookstores nationwide. Stanley is also a comedian, host, and brand ambassador. Follow him on Instagram (@supladotips), Twitter (@stanleychi), or subscribe to his blog!
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