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Sep 20, 2014
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Let’s face it: When it comes to impressing women, your abs and biceps can only get you so far… especially if, to begin with, you don’t have any. I don’t care if Channing Tatum is on the wish list of every girl you meet; aspiring to look like him is plain katarantaduhan. Not everyone can pull off the poging kargador look.

So let me offer you a more realistic alternative: How about bringing out the geek in you?

Below are my personal recommendations of nine books that will get you boobs (and then some). Repeat after me: Print is not dead! Books–yes, those heavy, nerdy-looking things made of paper and ink you were allergic to in elementary–can get you laid! As I've said before: Daig ng lalakeng mautak ang lalakeng mukhang kargador sa pier!


THE KAMA SUTRA

Look. The porn you keep downloading won’t teach you anything about how to please women in real life. Time to get yourself a legit sex book. Here’s what you might find when you read the ancient Hindu text: “Sexual union has eight parts: embracing, kissing, scratching, biting, coition, moaning, reversing roles, and oral sex, and each of these has eight varieties. But these can also be more or less than eight. Besides this, there are other parts like hitting, screaming, the male approach, and unusual sex.”

Hitting and screaming? Ayos. It’s like Fifty Shades of Grey, but with Hindu-style art! Just try not to look like this while reading:


MEDICAL AND HEALTH BOOKS

Why the eff would I prescribe books on medicine? It's because doctors have one thing over us regular joes: mukhang lamang sila ng isang paligo because they’re wearing a white jacket. So let’s even the playing field, shall we?

The next time you buy an overpriced cup of coffee from your favorite poser café, bring a medical book with you. If the cover has a big photo of a dissected cadaver, much better. The moment a girl sits at the table next to you, just say, “Can I borrow your pen?” So simple, but so effective. Just don’t forget to flash your best smile. If she smiles back and starts fishing for a pen in her handbag… You. Are. In.

Doktor-doktoran rin pag may time


BOOKS ABOUT DOGS OR CATS

Here’s the truth, in a nutshell: Ang lalakeng may doggie, nilalapitan ng mga girlie.” Many girls find our canine friends irresistible. Even if you smell like a wet dog, a girl won’t hesitate to stop and smile at that pooch you’re walking down the street. But the key is how to start a conversation. With enough dog knowledge from all those doggie books, you can tell her, "Did you know that Border Collie was initially bred to fend off wild wolves? True story."

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Do it well, and you'll score even if you look like a dog yourself:

Today, she pets your dog. Tomorrow, she pets you. Tiwala lang, bro.


BOOKS ON TAOISM

Pakisuap lang: Stop quoting Paolo Coelho already!

If you want inspiring lines to quote, try reading several pages of a book on Taoism para maiba naman. When you tell a girl about the pro-peace principles you learned while reading your new book, she will think you’re a saint. Now, tell me, have you seen a girl ever say no to coffee with a living saint?

Imagine quoting this from Taoism author, Tao te Ching: “Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear.” Benta!


NEXT: Scare her the right way!
 


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