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Nov 24, 2013
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Oysters, chocolates, honey–all of these have one thing in common: They’re rumored aphrodisiacs. In other words, nakakalibog!

If you want to get your girl in the mood for some macho lovin’, you might want to buy chocolates for her and order the biggest serving of fresh oysters on the menu–then tell her to dip it in honey!

                If oysters aren't available, order some Stanley Chi for your girl. Nakakalibog din daw yun!

But any FHM reader knows that’s not enough. If you don’t know how to play the game and your date thinks sablay ang diskarte mo, you’re not gonna score! Mariang Palad na naman...

Don't worry, I can remedy your game. We start with Female Libog 101:


5 Stages Of Horniness For Every Girl


You see, there are–and I'm not going to mince words here–different stages of kalibugan for girls. So it makes sense that you should have different “plans of attack," depending on what stage of horniness your girl falls under.

Stage 1: Maria Clara
At this stage, any girl is usually self-righteous and wholesome. She will act like she’s barely legal, even when she’s in her 30s. If you were to describe her, you would say, “Most likely to become a nun.” 

But don’t lose hope. Even a Maria Clara might want to (secretly) get laid. Women, after all, are the reason why Fifty Shades of Grey is a bestseller.

Date tactic: Be a mirror: Do what she does. If she finds dirty jokes kadiri, say, “Yuck, bastos!” to make her feel like both of you are made of the same cloth. Once she lowers her impenetrable wall of defense, it will be easier for you to find her kiliti.


Stage 2: Feeling Maria Clara

A girl at this stage will act like a Lolita, pero nagkukunwari lang siya. You can almost see her licking her lips when she sees the latest FHM issue on the magazine rack and she laughs at your sex jokes like you’re tickling her pink parts.

Date tactic: At this stage, she loves naughty boys. Keep her on her toes: Be a gentleman but bring up kinky topics once in a while. Pretend it’s because you’re just a gentleman who’s curious about sex and you’re golden.
                                                           And for Christ' sake, you suited up. She better appreciate!


Stage 3: Sakto Lang

When your date’s smile makes you feel protective and makes you want to jump atop her at the same time, you know she’s at this stage. A girl who’s sakto lang will act like neither a virgin nor a temptress. She’s somewhere in between, perfect for introducing her to your parents (and to your brand new bedsheets).

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Date tactic: Get her tipsy, pronto. She will be “open to suggestions”–but just when she expects you to grope her, act like a complete gentleman (even though we all know you’re not). The mixed signals you send will drive her crazy and, hopefully on your next date, she will be the one trying to get you drunk.


Stage 4: Malandi

At this stage, she’ll come to you like a moth to a flame
if she likes you. Hindi na siya magpapa-hard-to-get. But there’s a catch: If she thinks you’re not game, she won’t make a move.

Date tactic: Show her you’re not a coward. Try not to sweat when she innocently asks what position you prefer in bed. Remember: Women can smell fear!


Stage 5: Malanding Manyak

If your date ever reaches this stage, you’re one lucky bastard. She'll jump you if she likes you, no matter how smelly your armpits are.

Date tactic: Drink your vitamins, eat your vegetables, and make sure you didn’t do anything naughty in the shower the night before your date. Other than that, relax and enjoy the show. Let her do the legwork, literally. And if you don’t score with this chick, I don’t know what’s wrong with you. 


NEXT: The tactics your can use
 


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