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1. IF YOU SEE A GIRL YOU FANCY, MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH HER ACROSS THE BAR
JUST GO UP AND SAY HELLO
You think you’re giving her a smoldering, flirty stare, but she’s just scared and confused. Or convinced you’re looking at her friend, or worse— your reflection in the mirror behind her. The longer the stare goes on, the weirder it gets. You’re all “mysterious stranger,” she’s thinking: “What’s happening? Do I look fat in this dress? Is my makeup down my face?” All that stuff you’d hardly notice. The best thing that can happen in this situation is that she thinks you’re blind, and not psychotic. “It’s safer to stick with the stare-back-for-three seconds rule,” says dating coach Hayley Quinn (hayleyquinn.com). “After that, go over and introduce yourself, saying something honest like: ‘I saw you and I just had to come over to say “hi,” or I’d regret that I hadn’t.’ Women like to be approached, and hanging back and staring makes you look uncertain or insecure. And remember to smile.”
2. WAIT TWO DAYS BEFORE CALLING AFTER A DATE
CONTACT HER THE NEXT DAY
The “two-day” rule was invented in the ’90s, when you had to be standing next to your home phone to receive a call. Kate Taylor, dating expert at Match. com, says: “The ‘two day’ rule no longer exists. When everybody takes their mobile phone everywhere, waiting two days to call just makes you look like you’re not interested.” Which can make women feel snubbed, and keen to reject you back.
3. CHAT-UP LINES ARE CHEESY
CHAT-UP LINES AREFUNNY
Chat-up lines are no longer an embarrassment. Pull them off with enough confidence and they can work to your advantage. The rules: Avoid anything crass. “Is your dad an arsonist? Because you’re hot.” That’s so crap it’s funny. “Hey girl, have you got a coat or a jumper or some gloves? Because you’re so cool… and…standing next to you is cold…because you’re cool…” That one needs some work. “Most girls have heard every line and joke about their job that you can think up,” says Clare Young, from UniformDating.com. “But if you say something original, unexpected and funny, then you’ll definitely get a girl’s attention. It helps if the girl is laughing with you —not at you— though…”
4. DON’T ACT TOO KEEN
ALWAYS ACT KEEN
If you don’t show her you like her, she’s going to be offended by the fact you look like you’re ignoring her. “Avoid verbally expressing your desires to a girl,” says professional female pickup artist Kezia Noble (kezianoble. com). “Doing this results in losing the ‘magic’ of the situation —and it can leave you open for rejection. So do it with actions. While you’re talking, hold her gaze for a little longer than necessary, look as if you have suddenly noticed how unbelievably sexy she is, and then look away.”
5. KICK OFF THE CONVERSATION BY OFFERING HER A DRINK
LET A GIRL BUY HER OWN DRINKS
Firstly, the whole “sending a drink over” thing in films? Invented before date drug Rohypnol. It also immediately has every girl in the bar taking her drink to the john with her. Don’t even try it. But even if you do offer a drink, it’s still a minefield of awkwardness. Often, she’ll be holding a drink. So if she says no, where do you go from there? If she says yes, she’s holding two drinks. “A lot of guys think the question, ‘Can I buy you a drink?’ has exactly the same meaning as the question; ‘Can I touch your left tit?’” says Bekka Bowling (comedienne and runner-up of funnywomen.com 2011). “But we’re on to you, and we don’t like it because it makes us feel like we’re being held hostage by the person who has bought us one.”
6. A FAILSAFE DATE IS A DINNER AND A MOVIE
THE FIRST DATE HAS TO BETOTALLY SURPRISING
A Seven Corners buffet and a rom-com is all very well, but your date’s decided if she’s
going home with you before you’re even past the pleasantries. So why not do something
amazing with the evening—so if you’re going home alone, at least you haven’t had to sit through two hours of Reese Witherspoon’s squeakyclean bullshit. And as dating coach and psychologist Honey Langcaster-James (honeylangcaster-james.com) says you’re not just trying to impress your date, you have to impress her 462 Facebook friends, too. Because the better the date, the better the story. “Girls love to tell their friends how they met someone, so if your first date is generic and boring, it says a lot about you,” she says. “Dating is competitive—you need to have the edge.”
7. WOMEN LOVE MEN WHO CAN DANCE
THERE IS NOTHING CREEPIER THAN A MAN WHO CAN DANCE
Jason DeRulo, those sequined men off ASAP or Party Pilipinas—it’s all just wrong. You
think your moves look sexy. Girls think: “Oh. God. This is going on YouTube.” Or worse:
sex pest. Dancing is especially upsetting at a Christmas party so don’t feel bad that you don’t want to hit the dance floor. It’s actually a good thing. “If ever a dude tries to dance with me I feel nauseous,” says comedienne Bekka Bowling. “As for ‘comedy dancing,’ it’s the ultimate turn-off . When we see you doing the dougie we’re not thinking; ‘Ohhh he’s soooo funny!’ We’re thinking; ‘There’s a man who has sat and watched the same bit over and over again and then gone into his bedroom and practiced in front of the mirror, in his pants.’”
8. GIRLS LOVE A BAD BOY
JUST BE A NICE GUY
You know what they say: Nice guys finish last. Well, forget it. Girls don’t love a bad boy.
They don’t have time to check your phone, worry you’re cheating, pick you up from a police
cell, or try and calm down a doorman you’ve annoyed. “Girls just can’t be bothered with ‘bad boys,’” says Abbie Cammidge, sex writer at more!.com. “We’d never tell Ryan Reynolds,
Ryan Gosling, Orlando Bloom, or Robert Pattinson, we’re better off as friends. And look
how nice they seem.”
9. GIRLS DON’T LIKE TEXTS, THEY LIKE HEARTFELT CARDS
DON’T EVER WRITE LOVE LETTERS
“Love letters have just become emails, text messages and tweets,” says Julie Spira, author of The Perils Of Cyberdating (cyberdatingexpert. com). “Girls always love a digital interruption in their day which says you’re thinking of them. It gives them a warm and fuzzy feeling and helps you stay connected during your busy day. Just be very careful how you word things.”
10. TRY TO MAKE HER LAUGH
DON'T TRY TOO HARD
You know when it’s really awkward when you’re sitting in the front row of standup comedy in a small venue? When you’re telling endless jokes (all stolen from Bubble Gang), it’s like that for the girl you’re with. And that laugh? Fake. She’s desperate to get out of there. Girls much prefer a funny, interesting story to a succession of badly told “zingers” ripped off from Michael V. or Gary Lising. Miss Information, aka Caitlin Robinson, of American online sex and culture magazine Nerve.com, says it’s much better not to try and make her laugh. “The truly hilarious men rarely wear ‘funny’ on their sleeves,” she says. “They trade on observations, rather than a set of pre-planned jokes.” Look at Alex Calleja or Ramon Bautista —these two are genuinely funny dudes. So effortlessly funny, in fact, that women are willing to pay money just to listen to them speak.
