Don’t worry; this isn’t the type of fashion advice story that basically tells you to throw out your shitty wardrobe and buy new everything!
One thing guys hate is getting advice on how to look. Try it! Go tell a friend that you think he needs to stop wearing joggers or something and watch the hate flow through him. We also hate asking for actual advice because it often devolves into alaskahan (and everyone in your squad wears the same thing as you anyway).
That leaves the Internet and your dependable bros here at FHM HQ to do the heavy-lifting. And don’t worry–this isn’t the type of fashion advice story that basically tells you to throw out your shitty wardrobe and buy new everything! Here, you'll actually learn something!
How do I stop my collars from spreading out over time?
Image via Simplerman.com
It is inevitable, but you can delay fate by doing up the top-most button of collared shirts before hanging them so they don’t flop like loose pussy lips too soon.
When do I tuck in?
GIF via Startrekgifs
The answer depends on what you're wearing and the situation:
- Always tuck in undershirts unless you want to look like a rapist or a high school kid cutting class
- If your dress shirt has an uneven hem (read: mas mahaba sa likod) then it’s a signal to tuck that thing in.
Pro tip: Try to have a belt on when tucking in because society says it looks better (and it does).
How high can I fold my shirt sleeves?
The safe zone is generally from just above your elbow to your upper forearm. If you’ve folded your sleeves high enough to show your biceps then you should have just bought a damn short sleeve shirt.
When talking about tees, there is no need to go higher than the deltoid. You don’t know what that is? Do you even lift, bro?
Anyway, here's where it's at:
Image via Daviddarling.com
When is “Slim Fit” too slim?
For shirts, do this:
1. Put said shirt on.
2. Sit down.
3. If the buttons are fighting for their life against your love handles or your tummy's comfort level is reaching the "unbearable" limit, aka this:
GIF via Giphy.com
...then your shirt is too tight.
FACT: you are at your fattest when seated. Don’t be embarrassed to do the sit-test in the store dressing room; no one can see you anyway.
GIF via shelbilou
It’s too tight if your front pockets become mega-bakat if you stuff a phone in there. It’s even worse if your back pockets struggle to handle a load because they are generally the roomiest receptacles (because men have no asses).
How long should my hair be to do the super trendy comb over/undercut/brushup look?
GIF via Bestpopularhairstyles.com
If you want to really go all-in on this look, grow your hair long enough to eat–as in it gets in your mouth. You'll tend to look like an akward emo kid if it isn’t waxed in place though. So don't forget to get some wax/gel in there for holding the 'do up!
You are also now halfway into the next trend–aka The Manbun–for ease of being a fashion sheep. If you're going all the way, make sure you have a constant suppy of those elastic "sanrio" bands (because like lighters and ballpens, they always seem to magically disappear).
What kinds of ripped jeans are acceptable?
GIF via Elle.com
Ripped knees: The classic. Always okay, especially if you actually ripped them doing manly work (well, this never happens anymore).
Thigh-rips: If there’s more rippage than actual pants fabric left, then it’s too much.
Pockets-peeking-out-of-thigh-rips: No. It’s too much like those pekpek shorts girls wear.
Butt rip: ….
Ripped cuffs: You know this look. Too long jeans that some guys always step on with the back of their shoes until the pants rip and develop some sort of accidental bootcut look. This is the territory of 35-year-old band guys who can’t let go of their high school rebel life. Don’t be that guy.
Can I wear jewelry/accessories that isn’t a watch?
Yes you can...but be careful! You don't want to look like the less macho version of Mr. T now, do you?
GIF via Funnyordie.com
Necklaces: Yeah, sure, as long as it’s not a giant chain or something else that’s huge/excessively shiny. Walang basagan ng trip because religious types do this all the time with their scapulars/pendants-with-a-piece-of-the-cross-Jesus-was-nailed-to or something.
Anyway, keep it minimal. If the necklace always gets attention/awkward glances, then it's probably too much. Leave the damn thing to your girl.
Dogtags/other pendant-y things designed to be worn outside your shirt: You risk looking like a mannequin for some fashion brand. Is this your goal in life? We thought so.
Bracelet: More of an elder/married man thing to do; follow the necklace rule if you insist. This item has the biggest douche potential so be careful.
Those uso woven/tribal/Rastaclat wrist things: It’s trendy so go ahead. Don’t stack three of them together or somethin' though.
Did we mention you could just wear a watch?
How baggy should my jeans be?
We are living in the age of stacked jeans–meaning it’s okay to have a few rolls of fabric bunched up over the shoe but not covering your shoes. In other words, your baggy jeans aren’t '90s baggy. Let the stacks pile until your lower shin, any higher and you may want to have them shortened because they are probably too long for you.
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