Inspired by our own #SignsOfAging article, 24 Signs You’re Becoming… A Tito, we here at FHM HQ decided to investigate another special breed of man: the sando-wearing, hairline receding, but still raging YOLOLO.
Let's try to come up with a definition. A sub-specie of the previously discussed Tito, the YOLOLO isn’t a literal lolo with matching baston and pustiso. He’s someone whose body age is somewhere in the 30s but feels he's forever 21. Not only does he hang out at all the cool spots where the #KOT (that’s Kids of Today, tito!) mingle, trying his best to blend in with all them millennials, but he also refuses to submit to the cold hand of hair-graying maturity. Essentially, a tito that still does the whole #YOLO (that's You only Live Once) thing.
Is there anything wrong with being a YOLOLO? We say no, especially if your taba-ng-adobo clogged heart is in the right place. Below, the signs that you might be one!
1) Ayaw mo umuwi sa inuman, kahit hinahanap ka na ng asawa mo!
During drinking sessions, you’re the guy that screams, “Isa pa!” and “Di pa ako lasheeeeeng” as if you’re in that notorious Banayad Whisky commercial. Your phone relentlessly rings and beeps as your girlfriend/wife threatens to whip you sober if you don’t get home soon.
Come on, don't you miss your shinelas and your shopa?
Video via Patrick Potente
And while all your legit tito friends prefer tagay hits at pubs or someone’s cozy home…
2) You still insist on busting a groove on the dance floor of the trendiest superclubs
Too bad someone forgot to inform you that no one really "busts a groove" in the clubs anymore. Check your glow sticks at the door. Your pseudo-raver years are over.
Fist-pumping is what’s in, as made popular in the world’s best…
3) Music festivals, which you still attend in spite of the obvious pain the blaring womp-womp-womp music brings to your ears
You know what they say. If the music's too loud, then you're too...well, you know the rest.
If you're doing the gesture below in festivals, you're probably a Tito. If you're spazzing out like the lady in entry number two, you're definitely a YOLOLO.
4) Also, you’re genuinely excited about seat sales…
Because now you can actually afford to travel and get wasted. And as you and your crop-top-clad YOLOLA of a girlfriend pretend to know the lyrics of the latest hipster act, you guys try not to pay attention to your achey backs, drowning out the misery with too much beer and…
5) Weed, which you still call “chongkie” or “joots”
To which the flower-crown-wearing neo-hippies that offered you that joint in the first place reply, “Dafuqqq???!!!” Hoy, 2015 na!
But check this YOLOLA out:
6) Yet still, your friends are half your age because you’re obsessed with Millennials…
Who use trendy words and phrases like “beast mode” (giving more than a hundred percent) and “on fleek” (on point, usually refers to eyebrows) that…
7) You need to Google just so you can force-use them into a conversation
"Pare, BEAST MODE ako sa gym ngayon, para ON FLEEK yung BICEP GAME ko para sa…"
8) #Laboracay–the weeklong hedonistic extravaganza in the island of sin is the primary reason you’re going all #beastmode, #fitspiration, and #balikalindog on your saggy body
It’s the perfect avenue to suppress your inner-oldness and oil your joints while wearing…
9) Gear too fashionable for your geriatric gut and tito-thighs
Leave the douchebag sandos at home and spare beach lovers the sight of your kili-kili hair and beer belly.
If you do want to rock the hippest and illest outfits, maybe you should stop…
10) Eating without consequence
Gorging ridiculously large burgers and washing them down with some burritos while you sip on a thick milkshake isn’t going to work in your favor. Essentially, you need to be the opposite of this:
Yes, you like to indulge when it comes to your edibles, but some gulay and cutting down on the carbs might give your heart the extra beat it needs for all that #YOLO partying.
(Unfortunately, we haven't been able to follow our own advice because OF ALL THE MOUTHWATERING MAN FOOD AROUND!)
11) And the final sign that you’re a YOLOLO: You’re usually the gang’s tequila instigator…
Which means you’re that guy who forces people to down shots upon shots of the flaming liquid in an effort to rile up a rager of a Mexican-powered party with your friends busting out the sombreros and the gitaras and the maracas.
Before you know it, you’re the one so intoxicated that you’re actually barfing up all that expensive Mexican goodness. It ain’t called “tequiller” for nothing, yo!
On that note, we'll leave you to your own devices, fellow tits (that's our cool term for tito) as we try to get enough sleep for our Friday night rage!
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