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Jun 10, 2015
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A lot of things tick her off. And we certainly don't have enough space in this website to list everything. But here's one relationship hack you can use: Watch your language. You can start so by avoiding phrases that can throw off your lady-charming ways—or worse, make you single faster than you can say "Sorry na, babe."'

Scroll down for a sample of the deal-breakers you need to avoid if you want to live a happy life.


"TUMABA KA BA?"

Since time immemorial, many men have crashed and burned when bravely venturing into the taboo topic of talking about a girl’s weight. We suggest that you stay clear of this topic unless you have one hell of a punch line like, “Tumataba ka ba? Unti-unti ka kasing bumibilogat nagiging mundo ko.” Expert level pick up line here—don’t try this at home. Or just don’t try it at all.


"SUPLADA," "BITCH," "PAKIPOT"

The kind of side comments usually said when you can’t get what you want despite tireless flirting or papansin—just to get the last hirit. Children may be satisfied with leaving it like that but as a man, you aren’t supposed to go this route. Because, really, all you’re doing is ruining your chances with the girl or her friends. So stop whining and put your game face on.

The last woman you'd ever want to argue with
GIF via Giphy.com


"PARANG HINDI KA NAMAN BABAE KUNG UMASTA"

Now this is where it gets confusing. What does it mean to act like a woman? We’ve featured a fair share of them and all of them had different and unique personalities. FHM would be really boring if all the women acted the same. Trust us, once you let a woman be herself and be comfortable getting crazy around you, you’ll never expect what fun stuff she could do.


"TARAY MO, MERON KA NGAYON?"

Few things piss a woman off more than reminding her of her bleeding genitals. Common sense tells you not to do it—especially in front of other people. You can bet that even if she didn’t have her period that day, you aren’t getting any after embarrassing her like that.


"VIRGIN KA PA BA?"

We’re not really sure why this should matter to you when you’re about to have sex with a hot girl. You shouldn’t be so concerned about being her first anymore than being remembered as her best. That way she’ll keep coming back for more.

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Above: The "yeah-you're-not-getting-any-tonight" look


"WAG MO NAMAN AKONG I-FRIENDZONE"

We’ve all been there, falling in love with a girl and doing everything to win her heart but she still thinks that you’re better off as friends. Ouch. But seriously, were you expecting a treat for being nice? You aren’t a dog. You’re a man who looks to the future. Stop with the bitterness and move along.


"MAGUGUSTUHAN KA NG LALAKI KUNG _______"

You can’t speak for all man-kind. We all have our preferences: big, small, round, square, white, black, green (She-Hulk works for some dudes), morena, hispanic, chinita—you name it, we’ll celebrate it with fireworks and everything. At FHM at least, magpapaputok kami for all the ladies.


"KAYA PALA, BABAE YUNG NAGMAMANEHO"

Someone cuts you off and you immediately develop x-ray vision to see through the tinted windows of the speeding car to discover that it was a (dun dun dun) female driver. Before you categorize women drivers as mga salot ng lipunan maybe try looking at things from a different perspective: We bet the ratio between private cars and jeeps/taxis/buses that cut you off will always lean towards PUVs—and who predominately drives those vehicles? Maybe we can just agree that a lot of people are just stupid assholes, eh?

Ever heard of NASCAR's Danica Patrick?
Image via Danicaracing.com


"MAS MAGANDA KA KAPAG WALA KANG MAKEUP"

You might think, “Di ba compliment yun?” Depende eh. Our lady friends put it this way: You cooked some lasagna, and you knew it was wonderful lasagna. Then some random guy who knows nothing about the pains and struggles you went through to cook that wonderful lasagna suddenly tells you to take off the extra layer of cheese you put— hindi ka ba maaasar? We say, wala na lang basagan ng trip.


"WAG KANG LUMABAS NG GANYAN, MA-RE-RAPE KA"

No matter what she’s wearing or doing if she doesn’t say yes, she isn’t obligated to put out. And you casting nega-skanky vibes her way by “nipping rape in the bud when you see it” isn’t helping. It’s not a woman’s fault she’s hot. Are you seriously asking her to stop being hot? Besides, we should be masters of our own putotoy—not the other way around.

Illustration Theodore Cruz
Taken from FHM's May 2015 issue
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