FHM cooked up some classic dilemmas and asked some folks who actually know their stuff to help us choose the right path.
1) Would you rather jump off a building or have a tooth ripped out without anesthetic?
Drunken jumper Choi de Vera says:
"I've jumped off the roof of a tall house before. I might have been intoxicated from all the alcohol, but I remember it being fun. What wasn’t fun was when I landed on my butt. Sa sobrang sakit, I had to be brought to the hospital. Nabugbog ko yung spine ko ata nun and I couldn't walk properly for a while! I had bruised ribs and injured my lower back muscles. I was bedridden for two weeks. So lesson learned: Wag tatalon sa matataas na lugar nang nakainom!"
Dentist EJ Leung says:
"Dental pain is one of the most painful types of pain. Without any type of anesthesia, pulling a tooth can be very excruciating. There are at least three different kinds of anesthetics used in dentistry. Local anesthesia is used to numb the area of the tooth to be pulled as it blocks the pain perception of nerves that supply the said area. Second, Nitrous Oxide is a gas that provides light sedation that alters your perception of pain and anxiety, but is usually used together with local anesthesia. Then there's IV Sedation, which is an IV line for administering sedative drugs with the use of more powerful anesthetics. Pulling a tooth without any of these can be very painful because these anesthetics block the nerves that transmit pain."
FHM's verdict: Even though the tooth fairy would not approve and the price to pay is excruciating, bloody pain, having your tooth yanked sans the drugs won't leave you crippled and miserable for the rest of your life. Tooth.
2) Would you rather walk in on your parents banging or them walk in on you?
FHM.com.ph columnist Stanley Chi says:
"I would rather that they walked in on me in the act. At least it will confirm their belief that they have bred and raised an exemplary specimen of a man. I get the feeling that after their initial disgust, they will be proud to have seen me in action! I'm just glad this hasn’t happened yet, and I pray it never will. But if it does, I'll make damn sure I bring my 'A' game."
FHM's verdict: Having the parental units witness you ramming your honey might be awkward for all parties involved, but it's not like they haven't seen your penis before. Walking in on them doing the nasty is sure to earn you a therapy session or three. Being walked in on.
3) Would you rather live on 500 calories a day for a year or 5,000 calories a day for a year?
Nutritionist Dave Clark Sison says:
"If we put this on a perspective based on today's nutritional status of the country from FNRI-DOST, we are still prevalently underweight. Therefore it is much easier for Filipinos to live on 500 calories a day, but we should be concerned with the steady growing rate of overweight and obesity. We call this the double-edged paradigm of underweight, overweight, and obese. Understand that, of course, we would want individuals to consume based on their individual total energy and nutrient requirement as an ideal setting.
"Eating under and over recommended energy and nutrient values both pose threats to an individual. Continuous exposure to these types may lead to under-nourishment for under-eating and over-nourishment for excessive intake. I do not think there are long-term outright benefits for either of the two. Depending on the objectives of the individual, one can only make use of its benefits (if there is any) for short term. For people who will only consume 500 calories, you would feel light as this is considered as a very low-calorie diet, and for 5,000 calories you would often feel bloated or heavy."
FHM's verdict: Safe to go for 5,000 calories a day for a year, which can only mean more drinking binges and all-you-can-eat buffets. Hooray for calories! 5,000 calories.
4) Would you rather be attacked by an MMA fighter or four police dogs?
Fighting Spirit MMA analyst and Brazilian jiu-jitsu practitioner Theo Castillo says:
"Fighters hate the thought of giving up. They always say that in other sports like basketball or football, athletes always act like they're hurt; in MMA, fighters almost always act like they're fine. Cuts, broken bones, being blinded by blood dripping down the face—these are some of the things fighters ignore to stay in the fight. Some MMA fighters have come back from adversity by finishing the fight in a devastating fashion even when it seems they were about to lose. Some were almost knocked out, but managed to sneak in a hard, lucky punch and win the fight. Some get bloodied and beat, but manage to get a deep submission. You always see them fight for their lives since they are doing this full-time. They fight for a living. When it comes to the technique and the art of fighting, there are minimal differences when fighting inside or outside the Octagon. The difference is how you'd be able to win in a street fight.
"In the streets, there are countless weapons, or even opponents. In the streets, you can get stabbed, shot, and outnumbered, the odds of you winning in the streets is close to none if you are not prepared. In the Octagon, you can study your opponent and prepare for a clean and fair fight. The mental part of fighting weighs more than that of the physical aspect. You can easily prepare for a fight physically by getting in the gym day-in and day-out. The mental aspect is through experience and sheer will to get the win. To some extent, fighters believe in never backing down. Fighters will claw their way out of situations when they can. This is evident when a fighter is sunk in a submission. When their gameness comes into play, some of them don’t tap, causing them to snap their bones, or even black out from a choke."
Tony Jordan, canine unit manager based in the UK, says:
"Police dogs are not trained to bite the living daylights out of you. What the dogs are trained to do is to detain you until an officer can reach you and physically arrest you. If you're legging it, the dog can get to you quicker and will bite you to stop you from fleeing. We train them to bite the arm, because that will minimize damage. The thigh could result in muscles being ripped out. In practice, bites do happen elsewhere, because a dog is an animal. If you're running away from a dog, the most logical place for a dog to bite you is the ass, really. Once it's bitten you, it'll just hold on, like a vice. If you then turn on the dog, it'll bite harder and potentially end up biting you all over. If you fight with them, they aren't fussy. But you'd have to be daft to fight a police dog. Or on drugs. If you just stand still the dog should just stop short and start barking at you. In the Devon and Cornwall police we have 34 police dogs. In 2013, they only bit 15 people. It doesn't happen very often."
FHM's verdict: Both are disciplined, single-minded opponents, but a dog's objective isn’t to beat the shit out of you. Dogs.
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