Ask FHM is a corner of the Internet where we fan the flames of your burning questions. Here, we dish out some tough love and an honest take on whatever potentially life-changing situation you find yourself in (while silently thanking God we aren’t you right now). Ask us anything. Except for money, and if open-minded ba kami.
Vol. 10: 'How Do I Stop Fighting With My Girl About Where To Eat?'
This may sound like a stupid concern, but nothing—absolutely nothing—pisses me off more than arguing with my girlfriend about where to eat. I know, I know, burgis problems, but isn’t there a way for us to stop bickering about this? It almost always steamrolls into a big argument about how I’m too picky and negative, and she’s too indecisive and wishy-washy. It’s just food! Please tell me we’re not the only couple who legit fight about this.
Nothing sparks a fight faster than these infuriating words: “Kahit saan.” Well, maybe its close cousin that is no less rage-inducing: “Ikaw bahala.” It isn’t just these words that can take make gray hairs sprout on your head, it’s the endless back and forth, with your girl saying unhelpful things like, “But we just ate there.” “It’s so mahal there.” “Sabi ni so-and-so di masarap dun.”
And where do you end up? In one of the same five restaurants you always end up eating at, ordering the same old crap you always do, silently stewing in your annoyance and impatience. To cap it all off, your girl refuses to let you grab a bite of your meal until she’s taken a perfectly-lit photo of it. You’re well past hangry, and you’re worried you might bite your girlfriend’s head off before you take a bite out of your burger. We feel you, dude. We’ve all been there.
Truly, figuring out where to grab a bite can be more stressful than figuring out if you want to live together or get married (and the more she acts like this, the less you’re inclined to the latter, TBH). It sounds like an exaggeration, but there’s just something about this conversation that seems to bring out both your bad traits: Her eagerness to please becomes infuriating indecision, your IDGAF-ness becomes indicative of a lack of commitment.
It’s a classic case of communication breakdown between the sexes: Her letting you decide is just her way of making sure you get what you want, but of course, all you want is for her to have a strong and decisive opinion. You making her choose is just your way of showing you don’t have an opinion on the matter, which pisses her off because she wants you to be involved and present. So many layers! Too much expectation! All because you can’t decide between Pancake House or Army Navy!
How to solve this problem? Bring peace and harmony to your relationship by understanding that it will ALWAYS be like this. You’re forever going to take fifteen minutes to decide where to eat, but you DON’T have to make it into this existential crisis. Accept the fact that her shrugging and demurring is not intentionally to annoy you—maybe she’s just had a long day and honestly doesn’t give a rat’s ass about what she’s eating, as long as she gets to hang out with you.
On a more practical note, why not take charge? Shelve your perennial “Ikaw, ikaw na pumili!” response for something more constructive, and maybe she’ll pick up your cues over time and be more assertive, too. Even before picking her up, text her with options: “Hey, I feel like dim sum tonight. What do you think?” or even “Craving sisig. Want to split an order over a bucket?”
Another hack? When she’s waffling between options, swoop in with a choice based on her known favorites. Surely you know her favorite food, right? Right? Unless, of course, it’s that time of the month and all bets are off—all food becomes her favorite food, and sumpong from PMS notwithstanding, she makes a pretty cool dinner date as she eats karpintero-style.
When all else fails, make like that popular meme: Ask her, “Guess where we’re going for dinner tonight?” Then take her to her first guess. Everybody wins!
Illustration Borg Sinaban