Ask FHM is a corner of the Internet where we fan the flames of your burning questions. Here, we dish out some tough love and an honest take on whatever potentially life-changing situation you find yourself in (while silently thanking God we aren’t you right now). Ask us anything. Except for money, and if open-minded ba kami.
Vol. 4: ''My Bisexual Ex-GF Is Now My Rival—Help!''
Hi FHM, I find that I’m in a strange situation. Until about a few months ago, I was happily coupled up with a fun, sweet, and frankly, quite awesome girl, who I knew was bisexual. It didn’t bother me at the time because I’d like to think I’m a pretty woke dude, and I found it kinda hot, TBH. But things didn’t work out between us and we went our separate ways (but still move around the same circles).
I believe we’re pretty cool with each other, except for one thing—we’re now both into the same girl from our extended barkada. Am I totally justified in being weirded out by this? What do I do—I don’t know how to handle competing with an ex-GF for the affections of this new girl (who I’m totally into, BTW—but this whole ex thing is throwing me off my ligaw A-game). Losing out to her will probably be the final blow to my ego.
Hey bro, your life right now sounds straight out of a very millennial rom-com. Shit like this never happens to us, but we’re momentarily shelving all our questions about this very intriguing ex-girlfriend of yours to help you come out of this the dashing, adorable lead man by the time the end credits roll.
First, let’s lay out the facts: Your bisexual ex-girlfriend is now single (as are you) and you have the same wide circle of friends. Both of you getting interested in the same chick was pretty inevitable. You say things ended pretty decently between you two, so we can cut the whole she’s-out-to-get-me angle, so here are some points to ponder:
We’re honing in on one very important thing you said: You’re a woke dude who said he didn’t mind dating a bisexual, and in fact found it hot. And yet here you are, suddenly getting your panties all up in a twist because said bisexual, who is well within her rights to now go after whoever she wants, has her sights set on the same girl as you? (To be honest, we’d actually find this even hotter, but that’s neither here nor there. You’re the leading man in this rom-com, not us). Our point is, you don’t get to accept someone’s bisexuality (and how “hot” it is) when it benefits you and your ego, but suddenly cry foul when it threatens to bruise it.
If you truly accept her for who she is, then you should view her as an equal rival—just like any other guy. If you were as woke as you say you are, it shouldn’t matter that she’s a girl, and if the new lady you’re both vying after could even be into her. You say you guys are pretty cool with each other, so maybe just respect the fact that you both are in with a chance with this new girl, and just let the chips fall where they may? Our advice: Check how woke you really are, then focus on your own game. Let the lady lob her best shot, and you do the same. May the best man—or woman—win.
Second, and possibly more salient: Are you sure you’re really over her? Because your butt-hurt could actually be stemming from the fact that she’s already open to dating someone else, and you’re hiding behind the fact that that someone else is the same one you’re after (or rebounding with?) And you’ve been with her, intimately—you know how sweet and fun she can be (as you said), and it daunts you because you know what she has to offer. They say know your competition, but it’s another thing when you’ve slept with the enemy. In that respect, we totally get why she’s messing with your game, but if you’re super over her anyway, like you say you are—what’s the big deal? Again, back to our main piece of advice: Focus on your own game.
Whichever one rings true, we say get your head out of your ass and keep your attention on the task at hand—you say you like this new girl, so focus on her. It’s not about your ego, or “losing out,” as you say—the only thing you shouldn’t be able to handle at this point is losing your chance with this new girl, not losing out to your ex. She’s an innocent bystander who could become collateral damage in this imaginary, possibly one-sided, one-upmanship you have going on. Forget about your ex, who’s just trying to cast her net (much like you are). Shore up some confidence, commence with the ligaw with a clear mind, and pray to all the gods that this new chick is as straight as a ruler.
Illustration Borg Sinaban