Ask FHM is a corner of the internet where we fan the flames of your burning questions. Here, we dish out some tough love and an honest take on whatever potentially life-changing situation you find yourself in (while silently thanking God we aren’t you right now). Ask us anything. Except for money, and if open-minded ba kami.
My girl and I are happily dating, and I don’t see anything wrong with our relationship. I don’t know if this is normal though—I’m kind of getting bored with our sex life. We’re still doing it pretty regularly, but it’s always the same old thing. How can I get experimental without scaring her (or myself)?
In the interest of providing a satisfying solution to your problem (and not because we’re major pervs), on a scale of spanking to screwing dead animals, what do you consider overboard? You never really know until you at least try, right?
No, we’re not advocating going full-on Eyes Wide Shut on your sex life, we’re simply pointing out that a mindset of being open to pretty much everything (legally) and being up to play is a prerequisite to upping the ante. Of course, slow and steady wins the race, so we’ll go easy—we’re just reiterating that you have to be game.
Down to business. Two major things you have to get before you can even consider ticking a single thing off the list of sexy tips below: Get out of your own
Did it occur to you that maybe it isn’t your moves that are making your time in the sack less than steamy—it might be the fact that you’re all up in your head worrying about her satisfaction, the way your body looks, the fact that you’re spending money you don’t have on this motel overtime, oh and speaking of extra hours, your shitty boss is making you work overtime again tomorrow, and speaking of shitty boss, why hasn’t that prick given you that promotion yet? It must be because he doesn’t like you… Speaking of liking, does my girl even like what I’m doing to her right now? Should I switch it up? Is she faking it?
You get the picture. Too often, you may be inhibiting yourself from reaching new heights simply because you’re stuck in your own head. Between stressing over your insecurities between the sheets and stressing over the reality that awaits you outside of them, it’s easy for sex to become routine, unimaginative, and ultimately, unsatisfying.
But before you can stab blindly in the dark (metaphorically, not literally with your penis) with some tried-and-tested ways to take things up a notch (yes, yes, we’re getting there) you may want to consider these (boring and touchy-feely) ways to help yourself loosen up a little. Because sure, you’re approaching this whole liven-up-your-sex-life scheme cerebrally with all this research, but you got to let your baser instincts take over when it's go time—and you can only do that with a body that’s primed and ready.
You can try to relieve stress that’s holding you back and reconnecting with your body with some mindfulness. Try some yoga or those guided meditation apps to blow off some steam. Get a
Once you’ve committed to truly letting go of your inhibitions, you can get to the fun part. Here are some easy hacks to make sex even better. Now, not all the
Level up with gear that helps get you there
Explore the backdoor
Unless it’s a hard no from your girl, her butt (and yours—we’re all about equal opportunity here) is
Learn how to give a banging massage
Let your hands do the work. Get on some instructional vids on YouTube, then practice your newfound
Put on a performance
Role-playing is not dead. But you have to play it cool.
Bump and grind to a little "Bump N’ Grind"
Have you ever tried crafting your own sexy time playlist? There are tons of pre-made mixes on YouTube (albeit it’s a bit freaky doing it songs you know thousands of others bumped uglies to as well), or you can make good use of your Spotify Premium account. Don’t be afraid to deviate from the standards—you might be surprised by the kind of songs that can get your girl going. Try hip-hop or some low-key EDM—those beats are perfect for getting down.
Ask her what she wants
What if you discover your girl has a secret fetish for being tickled with feathers? Or she wants to try doing it in your parked car? A lot of women are a little embarrassed to admit what turns them on, so giving her a non-judgy space to explore that is sure to make sex even better for both of you. Remember it’s not always about what you want.
Illustration Borg Sinaban