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Lately, sex with my girl has been in a downward spiral. It seems no matter what I do, she’s dry as a desert. It’s made sex pretty uncomfortable. Am I not turning her on anymore? Am I doing something wrong?
Let’s keep this simple—yes, and no. Okay, maybe that isn’t such a simple answer. That’s because a woman’s vagina is (literally) a living organism and there’s a shit-ton of factors that contribute to its overall health and, err, happiness. So before you make it all about you and bemoan your deficiency in the wet panties department, know that her vaginal dryness isn’t entirely your fault—but you can be part of the solution.
It’s easy to think that she simply isn’t turned on by your ministrations, hence the lack of dampness down there, but the fact is, there are a lot of proven physiological and psychological factors that contribute to the lack of vaginal lubrication.
Most of it boils down to estrogen—that magical hormone that makes your woman a, well, woman. It's responsible for her full breasts, shapely hips, and all those other distinctly womanly characteristics you love so much (but not PMS—yup, surging estrogen levels causes that, too).
Simply put, having the right levels of estrogen in the body keeps her vaj plump, soft, pink, and moist (hmmm, now you’re thinking about it). But a lot of factors affect estrogen in her body, which, in turn, transforms her juicy fruit into a shriveled raisin. Here are some of them:
- Surging estrogen levels due to her menstrual cycle, pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, or aging. If your girl is preggo, has just delivered your child, is producing milk, or Stacy’s mom, that definitely effs up her estrogen levels. The plummet or depletion of estrogen thanks to these huge biological moments in her life is definitely causing that dry vaj. Didn’t tick any of the boxes? Even at certain points of her regular menstrual cycle, hormone levels go crazy, so you may have scheduled your sexy encounter on an off day.
- Certain meds that screw up her hormone levels. If your girl is on anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication, those drugs are known to have adverse effects on her sex drive (hence the dryness). Kudos to your girl for taking charge of her mental health, though. Isn’t it better to have to deal with her dry vaj than deal with her crazy?
- Some meds that affect moisture in the body. This one’s pretty likely, too. A lot of medication for allergies and asthma work to dry up secretions (phlegm, mucus, snot, whatever you call it) in the body. Unfortunately, these dry up your girl’s natural vaginal lubrication, too.
- Anxiety and stress. So maybe she does have that headache she used to rebuff your advances? Stress is toxic, man. Pressure at work, family problems, all that stuff is preoccupying your girl and she most definitely won’t be in the mood.
- Yep. Simple logical progression: Smoking literally shaves years off your life, so you experience physiological signs of aging much earlier. And if aging includes vaginal dryness as one of its symptoms… Well, you do the math. Stop smoking, kids.
So there you have it. Clearly, none of those factors were in relation to your prowess in the bedroom. However, there is one key factor in vaginal dryness that you are directly involved in: Lack of sexual excitement. To put it crudely, that vagina isn’t going to make itself wet, you know? So while there’s not much you can do about the factors listed above, this is one where you can swoop in to save the day.
How are you turning her on? Are you working hard on your foreplay game? If she’s dry during penetration, it sure as heck isn’t going to be pleasurable for either of you. Remember that sex isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon—and that marathon includes putting in the time to get her all hot and bothered. Make sure you spend lots of time making out (chicks dig that high-school stuff). Work on using your mouth and fingers.
If any of the factors above is screwing up her natural lubrication, you should definitely turn to lube to avoid any snags in the sack. Most formulations are proven safe, so don’t be worried about contributing to any physical issues she may have. There’s no shame in the lube game, either. You need all the help you can get!