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Don’t get me wrong—I love having sex with my girlfriend. But lately, I feel like it’s gotten boring. We live together, and people assume we’re constantly screwing, but the truth is we’re in a bit of a dry spell. I wish I could feel like it was my first time again, just to get that excitement back. Is that even possible?
Short of taking the TARDIS back to the moment your pimply, adolescent
But we get why you would want to—there’s nothing quite like that exciting sensation, only slightly eclipsed (or is it heightened?) by the awkwardness of it all. Whether you popped your cherry with a fellow hesitant virgin or had your baptism by fire with an “experienced professional,” you’ll always remember your first (hopefully for more good reasons than bad).
It’s an indelible memory, much like realizing how many shots of tequila you can take before the ebullient high gives way to vomit-soaked regret, or knowing the soul-crushing pain of juvenile heartbreak. These moments make you who you are, and as such, you shouldn’t work too hard to recapture that feeling. They’re milestones for a reason, and getting a sort-of do-over pretty much eclipses their significance. Your first time was your first time, whether it was a magical moment full of fireworks or a sweaty mess in the back of your dad’s car. It is what it is, bro.
But while you can’t recapture the actual physical feeling of your dick first coming into contact with the tight warm depths of your dreams, here what you can do: You can get hyped up and feel like you’re about to have sex for the first time, any damn time you choose. It isn’t sorcery, it’s simply reframing your state of mind.
There are ways to bring back the intense sensation of being so turned on you can hardly see straight, the barely contained excitement, that rock-hard erection that feels like your zipper’s going to give (though you may need a visit to the drugstore for that last one). It all hinges on the fact in the intervening years of maturing into an adult man, you may have forgotten how to get rabidly, irrepressibly, properly horny like you used to at 18.
When was the last time you spent the entire workday fantasizing about picking up your girlfriend, heading to your
Here’s how you can get that spark back:
- Don’t think twice. Many missed opportunities for nookie come from you getting ahead of yourself. You may feel the urge, but you quickly talk yourself out of it—you need to be up early tomorrow? Screw that shit—and it kills the vibe before it can even get going. The next time you and your girl look at each with that energy, just freaking go for it. Sex doesn’t always have to be premeditated, carefully scheduled encounters. Always leave room for a little spontaneous sexy time.
- Leave room for experimentation. Those pleasure-enhancing condoms and lubes are backed by millions of dollars of research and development, so how could they not work? Don’t let your ego get in the way of letting some fun gear into the sack with you. There are a ton of non-intimidating toy options to tickle your fancy, too.
- Build some anticipation. Sexting works, dude. Just play it smart. You don’t want to be that guy who accidentally sends a photo of his dong to his office Viber thread. Tease your girl with some raunchy messages, or pepper her with some sweet nothings if that’s her jam. Give yourself enough time to get properly hot and bothered.
- Take it outside. If your bed doesn’t excite you anymore, put it this way: There are a lot of “first times” waiting to be had. First time to screw on top of the dining table, first time to have sex in your friend’s bathroom while they’re all passed out drunk outside, first time to do it in a pool without anyone noticing… where’s that adventurous, pioneering spirit, eh?
Illustration Borg Sinaban