Most men aren’t aware that there is actually a hierarchy of the tita persona. There are the Titas in Training, a much younger group that still call themselves "hip and happening," when in reality no one actually uses the term “hip and happening” anymore. Then there are those under the bracket of Tita at Times, a subgroup that shows hints of tita-ness, especially when provoked into partaking in non-tita activities like partying all night or being promiscuous when it comes to sex. Finally, there are the True Titas, the most powerful and influential of them all because of their capacity to make sweeping judgments and win over pamangkins with mint peso bills. You could be dating one as we speak, but are ignorant to the signs that you’re romantically involved with one–a True Tita that is.
Here are other signs that the lady you’re dating is a True Tita (or a Tita in the making).
1. Your meryenda dates are composed of crackers with sobrasada and Brazo de Mercedes. She claims that this is “so sosyal” and “very Kastila”. You still secretly sneak in a burger or three when she isn’t watching just to sate your hunger.
2. You no longer have time for sex…dahil nagmamadali siya para makapag-tsaa sa TWG. Afternoon tea with the amigas is at 4 p.m. And although it’s only noon, she needs at least three hours to get ready for this weekend tradition. Briton ka beh?
3. When you take her to parties, she makes passive-aggressive comments towards other guests like “Parang tumataba ka?” and “Bakit wala ka pa ring girlfriend?” Of course, you’re made to clean up the social mess and left going, “Hun, ano ba! Tama na, nakakahiya!”
4. She calls Facebook “The FB”. And uses it to shamelessly share photos of her cute nieces and nephews, post inspirational/godly quotes on your wall, and gossip with other fellow cyber-titas about your tito-like sex life.
5. Diddling on a tablet is her favorite pastime. When you guys aren’t enjoying each other’s sweet company, she tries not to miss you by playing games like Candy Crush and Text Twist.
6. Whenever you check in to a hotel, she makes sure to bag all the excess soaps, shampoos, and napkins come checkout time. Not only do you guys leave the establishment with a healthy post-coitus glow, but also with an array of bathroom essentials for your household disposal.
7. Every time you ask her for a couple workout date, she drags you to a Zumba class. Where you’re forced to shake your booties to an overplayed J. Lo song amidst other sweaty titas.
8. She mistakenly calls you hijo on certain occasions. Which weirdly, you find very, VERY sexy.
9. Her power-accessory of choice when you two are out for a night on the town is an abaniko–to go with her equally tita-esque pearl necklace, pashmina shawl, fancy rosary, and Sarabia Optical eyewear. Fierce!
10. She owns this book: Life According to Tita as Tweeted by Titas of Manila. It’s a collection of tweets, life advice, and humorous (but helpful) tidbits authored by Twitter’s @TitasOfManila.
Life According to Tita as Tweeted by Titas of Manila is available now in for only P175 in bookstores and magazine stands nationwide.