Everyone knows not to take their cues from porn. Fortunately, most of us are savvy enough to just have a laugh over the wildly exaggerated and cliche scenes instead of taking any of them seriously and actually trying to pick up tips to use for real.
But regular ol’ TV is another matter entirely. Even now when we should know better, we still end up basing a lot of our expectations about real life from what we see on the small screen. And sometimes that means we get really, really unrealistic ideas that are definitely not advisable.
1. Sex standing up is both hot AND convenient.
It’s also much, much harder to do in real life. Also, generally not as sexy as you’d think, what with having to constantly think about keeping your balance.
2. Likewise, shower sex is totally doable.
Possibly sexy and exhilarating in theory, more often than not terrible in execution. It’s not only cramp and slippery, there’s also a big chance you’ll get soap in your eyes.
3. It’s a-ok to rip off both of your clothes, if they haven’t mysteriously fallen off already.
Which is how it usually goes in the getting naked part of TV sex scenes. We’d advise you not to follow this though—not only is it not as easy as it seems, but it’s also really inconsiderate to your partner. Keep things in one piece, boys!
4. Kissing = enough foreplay for everybody!
Word to the wise, boys: put in a little more effort than the quick 5 minutes of making out we usually see on TV. Your ladyfriend will not only be much more appreciative but both of you will enjoy the main event more.
5. Want to toe the line between public and private sex? Try it in the car!
The British have actually made this a pastime, and they call it dogging. Because public sex is a group activity, ya’ll! But as fun as a bit of exhibition and voyeurism might seem, we suggest you keep yourselves decent, gents!
6. Food sex is great fun and only messy in a sexy way.
Fellas, just know that if you want to cover yourself in whip cream and cherries, this will leave you with a sticky, sticky situation in unmentionable places.
7. When you need to have sex RTFN, just sweep everything off the table.
Because who cares about the really expensive and really breakable things you got on there. You were meaning to replace your laptop anyway, right?
8. Intercourse is absolutely the only way to get to the big-O.
Guys, your manly bits inside her lady bits is definitely NOT the only way to achieve climax. In fact, we really suggest you have fun and learn all the different ways you can give your partner a happy ending.
9. Refractory periods are for the weak!
There’s absolutely no shame at all if you need a break between rounds. In fact, that’s completely normal and healthy and what you should do to give your body time to recuperate. So don’t be so tough on your little buddy, ok?
10. Passion trumps protection.
Just because you’re both raring to go does not mean you should forget condoms. In fact, unless you’re actively trying for a baby, always keep this in mind: no glove, no love.
Out of all the unrealistic things TV has taught us about sex, the one thing you should definitely not take for granted is the value of protection. Sexytimes will come and go; sexually transmitted diseases are more lasting affairs.
Just look at all the trouble Dylan goes through in Lovesick, a British sitcom about a poor fella who gets diagnosed with chlamydia and who now has the rather formidable task of informing all his past lovers. But hey, if you want to tag along for the ride, check out the second season over at Netflix starting November 17. While we don’t think STD’s are a laughing matter, this show definitely is!