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11 People Share Their Most Horrific Cunnilingus Experience
There's a lesson to be learned here: returning the favor isn’t always sexy
by Chandra Pepino | Jan 20, 2018
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Just like oral exams and oral surgery, oral sex can prove to be tedious—even nightmarish—given the circumstances. Everyone has heard a cringe-inducing story, but here at FHM.com.ph, we like to keep a receipt of these raunchy-tales-gone-wrong. We do it for sheer entertainment (and because there's a lot to learn from these hilarious anecdotes). 

Oral sex is important, and pleasuring your woman can be a satisfying act even from the giver's end. These people, however, might not be as enthusiastic about going downtown. 

“Is it supposed to smell like that?”

“A few months ago, I took a Tinder match over to my condo. Take note that I’m a late bloomer, so she was my first kiss, my first experience with second base, everything. When I positioned myself between her thighs and pulled down her panties, I immediately took in this god-awful stench. Being the virgin that I was, I thought that was normal, but my female friends later told me that if it was so bad I had to cover my nose, that’s anything but normal.” — Rucha, 25

“Am I going down on a WWE wrestler?”

“I was giving oral to this one girl who enjoyed it so much, she wrapped her legs around my neck. At first, I found it sexy, until I had difficulty breathing. Her legs got tighter and tighter, and she had me in a chokehold until I flailed my arms around, motioning for her to stop. You know those snakes that kill you by cutting off your air supply? I imagine that’s how I felt.” — MJ, 24

“Don’t even think about a second date...”

“This guy I had just met was going down on me, when suddenly, I felt a sharp, seething pain. As it turns out, he had choked on some of my pubic hair, and his first instinct was to bite down instead of cough it out. I yelped and whacked him in the head, and he complained about my ‘jungle.’ Definitely one of my worst dates ever.” — Chay, 24

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“George W. Bush would blush.”

“You know, I don’t mind pubic hair on a woman. In fact, I find a fully-waxed pubic area a little intimidating. An ex of mine was completely unbothered by her hair down there—she’d let it grow for as long as it possibly could before it would literally start poking through the holes in her underwear. One time, when I was going down on her, a tuft of pubic hair snuck into my nostrils and made me sneeze.” — Greg, 22

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“One word: Overstimulation!”

“Guys, you have to know that once you’ve made us orgasm through oral sex, our clits are still very sensitive. I can’t tell you the number of times guys have continued to go down on me right after an orgasm, thinking that I would love it. We need recovery time, too!” — Moira, 21

“Is that a clit or a...”

“In my humble experience, I have seen a fair amount of clits in various colors and shapes. But I had never seen a clit this huge. It was so huge that you could see it if she were standing naked a few feet from you. I wasn’t necessarily turned off, but I was weirded out. I gave her some terrible head because I completely avoided her clit, to her obvious dismay. Wow, I just couldn’t do it.” — Kurt, 25

“Uh, just hold on to the sheets next time...”

“I was having drunk sex with a girl I met at a club. She was enjoying getting head so much that she began to play with and pull my hair. Well, she pulled too hard and sent my head swiftly backward. It was like whiplash. I was 100% sober after that.” — Sam, 23

“Stop, stop, stop!”

“I can only handle one good thing at a time. If it’s your tongue, it’s your tongue. If it’s your fingers, it’s your fingers. I was in bed with this older man who was a bit too eager. He licked me and fingered me. When I told him to remove his fingers, he just started pumping them faster, saying, ‘Trust me, you’ll love this.’ If a girl tells you what she wants, listen to her!” — Freya, 21

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“Wrong hole, my man...wrong hole.”

“During our first sex session together, my then-boyfriend started things off by going down on me. I began to lay back and relax when I realized I couldn’t feel anything. As it turns out, he was licking my pee-hole instead of my clit. In his defense, he was less experienced than me at the time...and he learned fast.” — Cha, 22

“The day I witnessed my first pussy fart.”

“Before I went down on my girlfriend, we were having intercourse in a complicated position—her legs were swung over my shoulders, and I was going pretty deep. When I began to lick her, I heard three cute little farts. It was the air coming out of her vagina from the weird position we did earlier. I was laughing like a moron while my girlfriend lay there embarrassed and a little angry. I still tease her about it.” — Ken, 26

“She got her period...”

“I was going down on my then-girlfriend at a motel (we both still lived with our parents at the time). The taste turned from sweet to metallic. I pulled back and realized blood was dripping on the sheets. She panicked and covered her face in total humiliation as I rushed to the bathroom to wash the sheets. Call me kuripot, but I didn’t want to pay the fine!” — Patrick, 24

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