You’re on your third date with this girl, you’ve both downed a few drinks, and she had been laughing at your corny jokes the entire night—you think you might actually get lucky this time! So when she replies to your invite for a nightcap at your place with “Sorry, may early meeting pa ako bukas” coupled with a convenient yawn, you wonder where you went wrong. Naturally.
We gathered a group of millennial Pinays and got them to spill the real reasons why they would pass up on a chance to knock boots with a guy, from the early dating dealbreakers to the LTR ladyboner-killers, complete with hilariously helpful anecdotes to illustrate their points. Read on for insights so you’ll never be fooled by the “Sorry, may early meeting pa ako bukas” excuse ever again.
She finds you filthy. (Just kidding. Or not.)
Trina*: Body odor and bad hygiene overall are a turn-off. He can look hot, but if he stinks or he has bad breath, he’s not getting to first, second, or third base—let alone home run.
Susan*: If he has smoker’s breath. I make them brush their teeth before having sex. Otherwise, it’s not happening.
You didn’t pick up the tab on the first date.
Trina: I will not fuck you if you didn’t pay for the first date. I don’t expect you to put me through college or whatever, but at least treat me nice by paying on the first date. Otherwise, it won’t feel like a date.
You were malabo with your efforts so she was like, “BOY, BYE.”
Mimi*: I will not sleep with you if you didn’t treat me well, not just on the first date, but on the days leading up to it. For example, you’re asking for a date but it’s not really clear, or we meet your friends but you don’t introduce me to them, so you’re not gonna get anything from me. If you don’t treat me right, I don’t know what I can bring to the table, honey.
You sounded way too desperate for the V.
Apple*: I met up with this guy whom I saw as just a friend; we hung out and got along, and I thought the night went fine. But as soon as I got home, he started texting me to invite me to spend the next day with him at his place and making innuendos filled with winky emojis all throughout that night and the next day. I would’ve given myself a chance to get to know him, but he pushed it too far, so I stopped replying completely.
Kissing is a litmus test that determines whether sex is in the cards, and you failed it.
Chris*: I won’t sleep with you if you’re a bad kisser. There was this guy I dated who had never kissed anyone before me since he was a geeky type. Whenever we’d kiss, I’d be hurt all over my mouth area. So I just lost interest.
This is pretty basic, but worth mentioning: If she’s feeling unsexy, it’s a hard pass.
Trina: I won’t have sex with you if I’m having menstrual cramps.
Apple: ‘Pag sira ang tiyan ko. Kasi baka mautot ako or worse...
She can’t get into a sexy headspace with you because you’ve always been something else to her.
Chris: I could not fuck this guy because he was my best friend at the time. We had been best friends since high school, and in college, niligawan niya ako. We were making out, and it felt weird. So nothing happened between us. ‘Di ko kaya.
She’s worried about what other people might think—especially if you have a common circle.
Chris: One time, I was making out with the kuya of my best friend. The whole time I was thinking, “OMG, your sister’s gonna kill me,” so I couldn’t go all the way with him.
When it comes to what you’re packing, you’re either too small…or too big.
Rica*: There was this guy who talked a big game. He brought me to his place and wanted to get intimate. Naghubad na siya, and I assumed he was big because he was so confident. While we were making out, I reached down…and I couldn’t feel anything. I groped around but could only feel the balls. I opened my eyes, looked down, and saw that his thing was only the size of my pinky. Nagbihis ako agad and ran out of there. I ran down the street like I was running away from the devil.
Mimi: For me, it was because it was too big. It was like...a mason jar. After a few dates with this guy, it was kind of implied that we were going to his place. We were in a cab and we were touching—that’s when I realized that his penis was the size of a mason jar. I felt a rollercoaster of emotions because I really liked him, but I also thought, “Girl, you’re gonna get destroyed.” So after we made out, I made sure to tell him, “You’re going to drop me off at home, right?”
You got some, but you didn’t give back, you dumbass.
Susan: I refused to have sex with this one guy because he refused to go down on me. I went down on him and after that, sabi ko, “Okay, it’s my turn.” He said, “No.” So I said, “Okay,” sabay bihis then walk out. He said incredulously, “Are you kidding me?” I said, “No, I’m not.” Walang kyeme. Walk out.
Trina: If you didn’t make me come, and you finished too early and you see me trying to get my own, I’m out. I did that to my boyfriend. I gave him blue balls—I didn’t let him come for two days.
You had already done the deed with her once, but she found it all very meh.
Sally*: I won’t sleep with you again if you performed poorly the first time. One time, this guy and I were having sex. He was on top of me and my head was near the window. Napansin ko na nag-rise na ang sun and bumusina na ang jeep, and in my head, I was thinking, “Hindi ka pa rin tapos?” if you’re fucking your life away, you shouldn’t be noticing na bumusina na ang jeep. The sad part is, he was an interesting guy. But during sex, he was bland. He was...wheat bread. Without anything else. Just wheat bread.
You had let yourself go and her desire for you had hit rock bottom.
Susan: In the context of a relationship, ‘pag wala na siyang upkeep. ‘Pag tumaba na siya at hindi na physically attractive, I’m not attracted to him anymore. You have to show that you can take care of yourself. Also, ‘pag walang work. Walang dreams eh. Why are you making tambay while I’m working my ass off? Ayaw na kitang maging boyfriend in general.
She’s thinking of someone else. And no, she’s not necessarily cheating. It’s just that you’re not the sexiest beast on the planet for her at ATM.
Mimi: My boyfriend and I were on a trip, and he left ahead to work, so I was left alone. On the night I was alone, I met this guy. I wasn’t attracted to him, but I understood how other girls would cheat because of neglect by their partners. And so the next day, I didn’t feel like having sex with my boyfriend.
Mika*: I used to have this sporadic physical attraction for someone I once had a thing with, and sometimes it made me want my boyfriend less. I never acted on it though.
Your mom called while you were getting lucky and you made the grave mistake of picking up. (Hey, it’s been known to happen.)
Sally: There was a guy I met at a bar once who wasn’t really my type, but he was cute and okay naman kausap, so I thought “Why not?” and invited him to my condo. It was 3 or 4 a.m. and we were taking off our clothes when his phone rang. He answered it, and I could hear him tell the person on the other end, “‘Nay, pauwi na. Okay lang ako, ‘nay. Meron pa, meron pang taxi. Malapit na. Pauwi na talaga ako ‘nay.” I was already lying in bed half-naked, but I told him, “Uwi ka na lang.”
*Names have been changed