Fifty Shades of Grey, the highly anticipated BDSM blowout based on the lonely-housewives-lit of the same name, premieres today, February 11, setting up the perfect prelude to a (hopefully) steamy V-day between you and the ladylove.
Females can expect tortured soul (and closeted torturer) Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) to get them moist in all the right places with whips and chains, while the men can sit back, relax, and win a walloping case of the blue balls as Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) subjects herself to all the pants-tightening bondage. And since your girlfriends/wives will be dragging you to the theater in an effort to sate their repressed sadomasochistic fetishes, it would be in your best interest to clean out the pipes before screening time.
To help you get all loosey-goosey before diving into that cesspool of Fifty Shades madness, here are 20 of the kinkiest, weirdest, and most importantly, titillating movie sex scenes ever. Remember, no prudes allowed!
1) WILD THINGS
The kink: Having two girls at once/girl-on-girl action
NSFW: The movie climaxes with a notorious threesome between the characters of Neve Campbell, Denise Richards, and Matt Dillon. This sassily trashy Miami thriller is a ménage of flesh, champagne, and deceit. Plus, Denise's motorboat-worthiness.
2) SCORPIO NIGHTS
The kink: Voyeurism
NSFW: This ’80s local classic first introduces audiences to the tense passions peeping can ingite when the protagonist discovers a crack in his floor that serves as a lens into another couple’s sex life. Soon, the peephole becomes a metaphorical portal, transporting its young buck into a strange world that allows him to confront his own reticent sexual issues.
3) KILLING ME SOFTLY
The kink: Autoerotic Asphyxiation
NSFW: The only thing this horrible movie had going for it was the fact that it featured a really naked Heather Graham humping Joseph Fiennes as he strategically strangled her with silky scarves for increased pleasure. Warning: Do not attempt to copy the acts in this scene unless you’ve got all the safety bases covered.
4) REQUIEM FOR A DREAM
The kink: Sex, drugs, and black dildos
NSFW: When Jennifer ConnelLy’s character Marion tumbles into a cocaine-addicted frenzy, she starts whoring herself out for a quick fix. The disturbing finale has her performing a lurid “ass to ass” move for some moneyed businessmen.
5) SCORPIO NIGHT 2
The kink: Illicit student-teacher relations
NSFW: Although this particular scene might not be the most torrid in this skin-flick, the tension that brews between Joyce Jimenez's student and Albert Martinez’s teacher in the school bathroom as they secretly touch and kiss amidst unknowing schoolgirls is the stuff of a bad education. Don’t worry, he rips off her uniform many times in this one, enough to send both of them to the principal’s office.
The kink: Orgasm-inducing pagan rituals
NSFW: Seemingly possessed by some supernatural force, Rica Peralejo simultaneously sizzles and scares in a fit of wild armpit-licking, nail-scratching, and boob-grabbing.
Rica Peralejo - Tatarin by -amoresai-
The kink: Getting off on automobile accidents
NSFW: If twisted metal makes you blow your wad, then director David Cronenberg’s controversial film about car crash fetishists should get your horn honking. Ready yourself for the freakily bizarre sex scene where James Spader makes sweet love to a vagina-shaped gash on Rosanna Arquette’s leg.
The kink: Playing master and sex slave
NSFW: In the ultimate act of letting go of her inhibitions, the movie’s titular nymphomaniac subjects herself to some brutal lashing courtesy of a young sexual sadist. Taut and unapologetic, it’s a sequence that shows how sex is almost always about power.
The kink: Exhibitionism in the form of masturbation
NSFW: Diane Lane has multiple steamy scenes in this psychosexual thriller. However, the most teasing of them all is the one where she coyly plays with herself in front of her clandestine lover.
10) BRIDE OF CHUCKIE
The kink: Murderous doll sex
NSFW: True horror abounds in this campy installment of the Child’s Play franchise when Chuckie asks soulmate Tiffany to be his bride. The honeymoon from hell quickly follows.
11) BLUE VELVET
The kink: Violent Freudian tendencies
NSFW: Dennis Hopper and Isabella Rossellini take a disconcerting turn as deranged lovers with questionable role-playing practices in director David Lynch’s tale of suburban terror.
12) EYES WIDE SHUT
The kink: Occult orgies
NSFW: Many claim that this is the movie that killed director Stanley Kubrick (and Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman’s marriage). Our theory: There's only so many pairs of boobies that one man can handle all at once before it becomes too much.
The kink: Inter-species incest
NSFW: A scientist couple plays God when they splice the genes of animals with that of a human, spawning an intelligent yet animalistic hybrid creature. What’s so ungodly about that? The male doctor eventually copulates with his creation.
Click here for the NSFW image!
14) A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
The kink: Cheerleaders with amazing pompoms
NSFW: Maria Bello teleports back to high school when she gives Viggo Mortensen a taste of what it’s like to be part of the popular crowd. Ra-ra-ra is right!
The kink: Who’s your boss?