The woman you meet on your first date may not be the woman you think she is.
Dr. Joy-Alvi R. Arañas, RPsy, RGC, counseling psychologist from Pathways Counseling and Assessment Center, warns that women might lie about their name, age, civil status, and socio-enomic status during the first meeting.
Even science backs his claim up. A group of researchers looked at the fibbing habits of 8,000 women and have found that around 61 percent lie, believing that it can possibly make them more appealing to men. Most of the respondents lied about their income and previous relationships.
Nikka, 26, admits she does it to look better in the moment and protect her social standing. “I told him I only had a relationship with three guys, but I’ve actually been with more than 10 guys. I felt like I needed to lie about my previous relationships because that’s how many men the average decent looking Pinay should have been with.”
For Andrea, 29, a first date is like a job interview, therefore she feels it’s essential to position herself in a better light. “I claimed that I had a high paying job in Makati, when in fact, I actually work as a call center agent. I know there’s nothing wrong with my current job, but people always look down on this position. I really liked him and I didn’t want to turn him off.”
Dr. Arañas explains that “women feel the need to lie due to fear of rejection and to impress her date in order to get his attention and interest.”
“Most women who engage in dating tend to look forward to another opportunity that would deepen the social interaction. Hence, they find it important to create a positive impact on their first date,” he adds.
Sometimes, in order to navigate an awkward social situation without hurting someone else's feelings or to save herself from trouble, a woman can throw white lies into the conversation.
Sam, 25, shares she decided to meet up with her Tinder match after a couple of months because he seemed really nice. “Turns out, he was a total dick and just wanted to get laid. I told him I had an STD. It was the best way to prevent him from pursuing a sexual relationship with me.”
Meanwhile, Dianne, 27, lied to spare her date from awful feelings of rejection. “He asked if he could court me, but he wasn’t my type. So I told him ‘I wouldn’t be good for you.’ It was hard to say ‘I don’t want you’ right to his face because he’s a good man, so I said it in a way that disqualifies me and makes him feel special.”
In order to avoid being lied to, Dr. Arañas says you have to earn her trust. “Trust is earned not learned. Establishing a relationship should start within yourself. Hence, make the first move to be honest about yourself before you expect others to tell you the truth about themselves.”
Dr. Joy Alvi R. Aranas, RPsy, RGC is a counseling psychologist from Pathways Counseling and Assessment Center. For consultation, you can visit him at 718 Sunday Street St. Joseph Village, Panapaan, City of Bacoor, Cavite.