Sex: Who doesn't want to be ridiculously good at it?
But here's the thing, sex researcher Nicole Prause recently told New York Magazine that there's no such thing as someone who is "good at sex." She gives an example to explain her point: "If you're someone who loves to be pooped on, I'm never going to be a good partner for you. That's just not in my repertoire."
Say what now, Nicole? She means that "good sex" depends on finding a woman who shares the same sexual interests as yours. It's about compatibility.
And this compatibility starts with being open with what you like and being open to listening to what she likes—and not being afraid of appearing silly with what turns you on. The researcher says the fear of being "dumb at sex" can indeed keep you from building a rapport with your girlfriend (or wife). You are so afraid of looking stupid that you are too nervous to be honest about what you want and what you want to know more about. Curb that sort of behavior.
If you want to improve your performance, the secret is to communicate with your partner. If you like something she's doing, praise her. She advises: "If you like something they're doing, say 'I like that.'"
"Use your words. If you can be more specific about what you like about it, do," she adds. As for the things that didn't work for you, talk to your partner why you don't like it.
But don't break the news right away. Start off by talking about lighter things. "Don't drop the big bomb first time. If you really like being choked with a rope, that’s kind of dangerous. Maybe don't start with that, but talk about it eventually. Start with something more common as a way of building trust," Prause concludes.
As with anything in a relationship, keeping communication lines free from blockades help maintain the intimacy and the love.