Boys, please—let’s just all agree that you do not want to get into an argument with your girl.
One, it’s a waste of time and energy. (Unless you’re one of those weird couples who get their kicks from a good verbal duke-out. More power to you, we suppose?)
Two, you will never win. Supposing we women are always right (and face it, we are), then your side of the argument will just crumble into meaningless dust in the midst of our witty/bitchy one-liners and knowing eyebrow raises.
Or, in the rare chance that we are wrong, we will just be embarrassed and either pick a fight with you about always having to be right or pout in annoyed napahiya silence the whole way home. (Notice how all arguments always start in cars? It’s the traffic, we tell you.)
Either way, it’s trouble you don’t want—and the joys of a smug I-knew-it girlfriend far outweigh the perils of the pissed-off Why-must-you-always-argue girlfriend (read: the pissed off ones are less likely to have sex with you).
"I want proof!" you say? Below are six arguments you have tried in vain to win, but never will!
The "You Are Not A Human GPS"
A typical conversation on the road:
You: Alam ko ang daan (even though clearly you don’t)
Her: Let’s ask mamang guard. Let’s consult Waze. Let’s call your friend who lives around here. Why are so allergic to asking for help?!
You: Basta, alam ko na to!
Several missed turns, precious ounces of gas lost, and one fuming girlfriend later, you finally find your way—but at what cost? (See: precious gas.) There’s no harm in asking for directions, sir. We won’t rub it in your faces for not knowing the inner streets of Quezon City, but we will rant for a good five minutes about how you’re incapable of asking for help (and you do not want that can of worms opened).
The "You're Going To My Best Friend’s Beyonce-Themed Birthday Party"
Whereas you would absolutely love having time away to spend solo with your boys, your girlfriend believes any endeavor with her posse is a two-for-one affair—it's simply how you show support (no, you do not look like a whipped boyfriend, don't listen to your friends).
If you beg off, we will just annoy you by asking you to pick us up at an ungodly hour (or snarkily text you things like "Ikaw lang wala dito."). So show up, grit your teeth, and be our videographer as we girls drunkenly try to recreate Bey's "7/11" music video.
The "You Were So Checking That Girl Out"
You totally looked. And 9/10, we're pretty sure we did catch you red-handed, so swallow your exasperated "Hindi kaya!" and pleading "Babe, mas hot ka naman sa kanya eh" and just take it like the (horny, roving-eyed) man that you are.
Don't worry, we will calm down, accept that it's a guy thing, and blame ourselves for our flaws, and resolve to look hotter later on. So you still win.
The "Why Don’t You Know What I Want?"
We cannot reiterate this enough: Women want to feel like their men really, truly, get them. We genuinely believe that you magically (and through experience) know that when we're PMSing, we want a slice of cheesecake and flowers delivered to our office, and that when we say it's okay not to come with us to our cousin's birthday party, you take it as your cue to pick us up wearing a nice polo shirt.
You're not mind readers, you say? Well, tough luck. When we say, "You should know that by now," we truly believe it. We're hardwired to feel this way.
The "Tell Me the Truth"
Sample questions that will get you into huge trouble regardless how you answer them:
- "Do I look fat/old/short in this outfit?"
- "Did you have sex with her when we were broken up?"
- "How many women have you slept with?"
- "Are you still on Tinder?"
- "Do I annoy you when I ask these questions?"
Here's a tip: any question followed by "Tell me the truth" usually means you need to tell a big, fat whopper. Or at least an altered, sugarcoated version of the truth. Or not—some girls dig dudes with no-bullshit thresholds. Your mileage may vary.
The "What Do You Mean I Shop Too Much?"
Never, ever, get between us and a Mango sale. If we ask politely if we can drop by a store, and then casual browse through the racks, don't say stupid things like "You already have that" or "Di kasya sa'yo yan." Sit on the boyfriend couch and check your NBA fantasy league standing or something.
Telling us we can't or shouldn't buy something will just make us want to spend more money. Though you may be right half the time (we sooo don't need another striped blouse), you don't hear us telling you how to draft those NBA players in that stupid league of yours now, do we? Some mistakes need to be made solo.
GIFS from Giphy