The "good on paper, bad in bed" conundrum has been around for ages. But real talk: Is bad sexual performance a legitimate reason to end a relationship? Maribeth Brown, the sex expert behind the Maribethbrown.wix.com, says it depends on the context.
She says sex is a crucial element in a relationship as the act allows couples to be true, intimate, and loving. However, she notes that it isn't everything, but just a piece to the puzzle.
"Sex is not the only foundation of love. Any sexual issue can be solved so poor sex alone is not a valid reason," explains Brown. "But if someone does not feel respected in a relationship anymore, resulting to bad sex, then it becomes a valid reason for a breakup."
Nicole, 28, and in a relationship for six years now, agrees and says: "For me sex is just one aspect of a relationship that determines happiness so if that's what your relationship is based on then it's probably going to fail." She says if everything in your relationship is great except sex, then it should not be that easy to end it: "I think just like anything else, you can work at fixing that."
Shara, 32, and married for three years, thinks otherwise. "If sex is the weakest part of your relationship, it's best to resolve it immediately," she opines. "Talk to her. If nothing improves, I'd say it's time to move on. The Kama Sutra teaches that people have varying levels of passion and that can severely debilitate compatibility between two people. Having similar or equal libidos in a relationship is very important."
Meanwhile, Charmaine, recently single, believes that there's no reason to save a relationship if you are no longer happy in it. "Some people are unhappy with or without enough sex, some can manage. But I think the fact that you're unhappy about something is a good enough reason to leave," advises the 25-year-old.
Brown says it's best to sit down first with your partner and discuss the issue in a way that does not sound like you're putting blame on anyone.
"You can point out your issues, including bad sex, by mentioning the opposite: the things that make you happy," she elaborates. "For example, if sex has become less frequent then the guy can say: 'I would be really happy if we have this more, don't you agree?' All you need is to say the right words."
The expert also adds that it's equally important to understand why your partner is not able to fulfill your needs. "Best example is if a wife just had a baby. With a baby, everything changes so radically that sex may become non-existent for weeks." Patience and understanding are important if you want to work on a resolution.
By communicating how you really feel about your sex life, you can also save yourself (or your partner) from committing infidelity, reveals Brown, as people have the tendency to look for someone who can satisfy them.
Keeping mum won't help. It easier for your other half to tell if you're hiding something from her, especially if you've been together for quite some time. "She will sense the discontentment, question herself, and soon find herself unhappy with the relationship even outside the bedroom," explains Brown. "Discontentment builds resentment. At this point, you can blame poor communication as much as poor sex for the eventual breakup."
"Any rift, sexual or otherwise, is temporary. It can be solved—as long as both are aware and are willing to solve it," she concludes.
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