You cheated on your girlfriend and now you’re feeling guilty. Should you let her know about it?
Yes. “Because you are not the only person in the relationship, she has the right to the information that will help her make an individual decisions about where to direct her life,” explains Dr. Tyler Ong, PsyD, MS, a Cebu-based clinical psychologist, and family and marriage therapist.
We surveyed eight women of different ages to share if they could ever forgive infidelity. Most of them said they wouldn’t want stay with someone who has betrayed their trust. Meanwhile, others noted that they may be willing to give their relationship another shot, however, anger, mistrust, and suspicion may continue to linger way beyond the initial incident.
Read their detailed responses below:
“I could potentially forgive a cheater because grudges are exhausting, but I wouldn’t continue a relationship with one.” —Jane,25
“I have forgiven someone in the past, and I don’t regret it, although it caused me a lot of pain over a long period of time. I wouldn't recommend it to a friend purely because of how difficult it was, how much it impacts your self-esteem, and ability to trust.” —Kamil,32
“If it was a one-time thing, and there was enough stock in the relationship, maybe. But even if it was just once, and they didn’t tell you until you found out, that shows a lack of remorse and disrespect towards you. If I was just told straight up, ‘I cheated on you, I feel like shit for it, but it happened. Now what do we do?’ I could try to work on the relationship. But covering it up and lying ruins all trust.” —Paula, 27
“My ex-husband cheated on me and I accepted him again. I know he never cheated again, however, his cheating changed the marriage at the most basic level. We struggled through another ten years before I finally let go of his mistake.” —Bea,29
“I think if I forgive, I would definitely keep thinking about it and get angry again and again, which could affect or destroy the relationship over time.” —Cristina,26
“I’ve never cheated so it’s perfectly reasonable to expect the same. I can love very deeply, but I love myself too, and will not tolerate that level of disrespect. It’s really not too much to ask of someone.” —Diane, 28
“I don’t think so. Cheating broke my family apart and made me severely distrust my father and men in general for a while. It fucks thing and people up.” —Elaine,24
“I wouldn’t want to stick around for something that might happen again.” —Joy,22