We are here once again to talk about another topic that hits right at home for all guys—masturbation. It’s been our go-to thing to do for centuries whenever we’re horny and Mariang Palad is our only companion.
So we created a list of crazy facts about fapping from different cultures around the world so we can be a little bit more knowledgeable about the very thing that spices up our "alone time."
Read on for a host of fap-tastic trivia, lads!
1) AN ENDLESS SUPPLY OF "MANYAK" ENERGY
Video via Video via Pornhub
Pornhub created a device called the Wankband that produces kinetic energy while you, uhm, do your thing. The band has a little metal ball inside it that runs back and forth, producing energy with every wrist movement. You can then use the juice to power up your mobile devices, from smartphones to tablets. With the number of gents around the world who masturbate, this creation makes a lot of sense!
2) JUST ADD MILK
In his time, Dr. John Harvey Kellogg (the guy who invented Kelloggs cereal) was actually a very adamant anti-masturbation supporter. He ran a mental institution in the 1800s that served really bland food to deter people from masturbating which resulted to the creation of the well-known cereal brand, Kelloggs. At least now we know why you had to add milk to make it taste better.
GIF via Popsugar.com
A penis ring is a ring-like device (duh!) meant to be used as a way to prevent erections and/or masturbation sessions at night. It would inflict pain on the wearer if he had an erection while sleeping (which occurs quite often). We're sorry for the mental image.
4) MAINTENANCE MEDICINE
It’s natural for people to lose muscle tone as they age, and your putotoy is no exception. That’s why most men need the gym or, in this case, a casual fapping sesh every now and then, to help keep that muscle rock-hard and prevent erectile dysfunction. At least, when your legs don’t work like they used to, you’ll still have that third "bone" to prop you back up (if you know what we mean)!
5) MALE VIBRATORS
Aside from the very popular Fleshlight, few men know that there are other, more "exciting" toys available when your girlfriend for life (read: dominant hand) feels kinda rough and dull. We actually researched a bit and found them to be very, erm, interesting, with names like Cobra Libre (pictured) and Hot Octopuss Pulse. Wait, what?
6) SUCH A WASTE
Onanism is a term for masturbation that came from Judeo-Christianity’s negative view of masturbation. It originated from the story of Onan (a historical douchebag who just had to ruin all the fun things for all of us, like Adam and Eve) who "wasted his seed on the ground" rather than impregnating a woman.
7) THE STRANGER
GIF via Imgur.com
We’ve all probably tried this at least once: you sit on your non-dominant hand until it gets numb, then place it on your thing and you feel like someone else is giving you a handjob. Yup, we were extremely bored that day...
8) A HELPING HAND
In some cultures like the Namu of Africa, masturbation was encouraged in males. And when we say encouraged, we mean, it was REALLY enouraged. It even included mutual masturbation between young boys and married men which was considered as a gesture of kindness which involved (literally) lending a helping hand to the adolescent to further explore his sexuality. Again, wait, what?
9) AUTOEROTIC ASPHYXIATION
Image via Groups.diigo.com
This one’s another really dangerous fetish that involves choking your neck while you choke your member on the way to the Big O. The loss of blood flow and oxygen to your brain supposedly lets you have a more fulfilling orgasm. We guess it goes without saying (but we still will just to be sure): Don't ever try this at home, or anywhere else for that matter.