"Bakit hindi ka nag rereply? May pinagkakaabalahan ka bang iba?" This line could sound familiar to anyone who's dating (or has dated) a praning gal. If you're constantly bombarded with these sort of accusations and suspicions, you'll never hear the end of it unless you try to understand where she's coming from.
Dr. Joy-Alvi R. Arañas, RPsy, RGC, counseling psychologist from Pathways Counseling and Assessment Center, explains that a woman's paranoia may be attributed to previous relationships where her trust was betrayed.
"Past experiences greatly affect a person's personality," says Dr. Arañas. "Even during the formative years, parents should be able to inculcate to children the value of trust. Parents should keep their promises to their children in order to develop trust in the relationship."
There may be incidents in the relationship that can also be considered a factor in influencing her attitude.
"If the boyfriend cheated on her, it is always difficult to bring back the same trust that was given to him. If not yet proven, but there are instances or situations that create suspiciousness, trust may still be difficult to achieve," Dr. Arañas explains. "These behaviors send signals that the boyfriend is no longer interested in investing time and energy into the relationship, which creates a paranoid mindset for the girlfriend," he adds.
In situations like this, it could be tempting to walk away from your relationship, but Dr. Arañas reminds that the success of a relationship does not depend on how many conflicts arise, but on the willingness to resume the relationship despite these conflicts.
To save your relationship, it's best to talk to your significant other calmly. Don't be afraid to express your feelings, ideas, wants, and expectations. Effective communication may be achieved by being honest, finding the right time, careful choice of words, and showing respect to one another.
"Communication is important in any kind of relationship. The willingness to listen will help enlighten each partner on what to do to keep the relationship."
Work on rebuilding trust. Trust is just as important as love. Without it, everything else could fail in the relationship.
"Both parties should exert effort to earn that trust." He warns: "If it continues to become an issue, not only trust but also respect and eventually love will diminish."
If all else fails, get help. A professional counselor or psychologist can act as a mediator so that you can get to the root of the issue and gain a better understanding of things.
Dr. Joy Alvi R. Aranas, RPsy, RGC is a counseling psychologist from Pathways Counseling and Assessment Center. For consultation, you can visit him at 718 Sunday Street St. Joseph Village, Panapaan, City of Bacoor, Cavite.