Just because she’s younger, doesn’t necessarily mean she’s more immature.
Let’s get one thing straight: by younger women, we do mean single ladies of legal age, girls who are three to seven years younger than you, because anything beyond that is just plain DOM-ish. If you’re feeling slightly squeamish about the possibility, don’t. Just because others may dismiss this setup as doomed from the start, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to have a working, committed relationship with a younger partner.
Respect individual differences
Before getting into this kind of relationship, both parties must be ready to accept each other’s interest, priorities, and wants.
“Having a younger woman as a partner is more than just for sexual advantages,” stresses Cherrie L. Ragunton, MP, PRm, a counseling psychologist at Interspect-Training Services. “But the man must be ready to be able to provide the emotional, financial, and psychological support she needs, as young women are still learning to explore, discover, and navigate their own lives.”
Naturally, there will be arguments as these differences do get in the way. “The larger the age gap, the bigger the differences in interest,” says Ragunton.
A young woman might want to pursue many things since she is still trying to discover herself and her life. Meanwhile, the guy could feel like he’s “been there, done that” and completely be insensitive to his partner’s concerns.
The age gap also offers different life experiences. “Both parties may not be able to understand where one is coming from and may see the perspective totally different from his/her own,” she explains.
But the most common cause of fighting is the amount of time needed for the relationship to work. Simply put, older men have busy schedules and other priorities, while the younger woman would like to spend more time socializing with friends and exploring more places and adventures.
It’s a great move to talk about your individual differences way before things get rough. Both parties need to come to an understanding about the these differences and respect them.
“Talk it out,” suggests Dr. Tyler Ong, PsyD, MS, a Cebu-based psychologist. “In any kind of relationship, keeping an open line of communication is important. It is the best way to express a person’s feelings, desires, ideas, wants, and expectations. Open communication may be achieved by being honest, finding the right time, careful choice of words, and showing respect to one another.” In addition, this is the most direct and least complicated way to solve the issue.
Another useful strategy that can be done is to impose rules. According to Dr. Ong, almost all couples NEVER reflect on what rules bind their relationship together. “Sit down with your partner and explore each other’s expectations and self-imposed rules about your relationship in general. Rules must be agreed on or created mutually from the start of the relationship.”
Meanwhile, Jay, who’s currently dating a woman eight years younger than him, says there’s a lot more to a good relationship than having similar interests.
“It’s a bit silly to expect to go out with someone who has exactly the same passions as you do,” he says. “Having some similar interests is a good thing, but thinking that every single interest should be aligned is, ironically, incredibly immature.”
The secret to making the relationship work, Jay says, is to show some interest in your partner's passions. “Whatever it may be, don’t trivialize it, and don’t patronize it even though you may very much dislike one of their interests in particular. Don’t think just because their hobby or interest is different, it isn’t as good as yours.”
Mike, 33 and married to a 26-year-old, adds that having different interests is actually good because you get to learn from each other.
“We have lots more to talk about because we both have interests that the other knows little about. Just because we aren’t always into the same things doesn’t mean we can’t talk about them.” He advises: “Just show respect and there shouldn’t be a problem. Be more open-minded towards each other’s separate interests and you might find that you also enjoy them.”
“If everything else fails, seek a professional third party (like a therapist) to help you out,” he suggests.
She can make you feel young again
Sad to say, as we age, we often allow ourselves to become jaded. A younger woman can bring back the zest into your life. She’s not the woman who will want to sit on the couch and watch movies with you all day long. She’ll want to be where the action is.
However, Ragunton warns, that their sense of adventure could not be entirely good for a relationship. She explains: “They cannot be caged and would rebel if they will be restricted. If men will not be able to understand this, it will trigger an argument and creates conflict.”
Ragunton says that the solution here is simple: “Learn to accept her personality and ways. Acceptance, meaning, learning not to control other people and make them change just because you want them to.”
But that doesn’t mean you have to agree with every single thing she says and wants to do. You only have to know that this is who she really is. She recommends: “Couples must agree what must be negotiable and non-negotiable. This is where respect, understanding, and communication will come in.”
Forging sexual compatibility requires stamina
Younger women have better bedroom stamina compared to their older partners, according to guys who are currently seeing younger women.
Jay says his sex life has never felt better: “She’s very adventurous in bed. From my experience with women my same age, I’ve noticed that they have too many hang ups about sex. We totally clicked in bed and, as it turns out, with everything else as well. We jump in between the sheets not less than five times a week.”
Meanwhile, Mike shares that younger women are better because they like leading, experimenting, as well as having marathon sex sessions.
“Women my age are wonderful, but most 30-something are not open to try out kinky stuff. Sleeping with older women when you’re in your 20s may make you feel cool, but when you’re getting older, you’ll realize that younger women are more open to experimentation.”
According to Dr. David Weeks, a clinical neuropsychologist at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland, sexually active older men in his study (the participants were aged 45 to 55) tend to look five to seven years youngers than their actual age. He explains that getting laid frequently helps develop high levels of the natural steroid DHEA, or more popularly known as “the anti-aging hormone.”
Just consider this one a bonus!
Cherrie L. Ragunton, MP, RPm is a counseling psychologist at Interspect-Training Servinces. For more inquiries and other relationship concerns, visit her at 2nd Floor Azarcon Building, 51 Bayan-Bayanan Ave, Marikina Heights, Marikina City. You can set an appointment by calling 401-7864.