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The FHM GF Manual: How To Deal With Her Obsession With Taylor Swift

She’s driving you crazy, because the only thing you're allowed to play in your car is Taylor Swift's 1989! Don't hate her, it's not her fault she's a Swiftie. Instead, read this #FHMGFManual!
by Sandra Pineda | Nov 19, 2014
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Hey bros, ever had this conversation?

You: "Hey honey, how about we rock out to some Foo Fighters today and, you know, not Taylor Swift?"

The Girlfriend: "Okay, I get that you do not understand women's fascination with Taylor Swift. I can't explain it either. Maybe we love her because she's ridiculously good at doing a cat eye on her eyelids or that she's always impeccably dressed, or that she has a star-studded girl barkada that includes Lorde, Lena Dunham, and Victoria's Secret supermodels Lily Aldridge and Karlie Kloss, to name a few, that we want to be a part of.

We like Taylor because she writes songs about heartbreaks, about bad boys, about girls liking the right boys at the wrong time. In a nutshell, her albums are the shorter, more melodic version of a Thought Catalog entry. Girls want to feel their #feelings. It is practically law."

Point is: Taylor Swift is the reigning queen of the world of pop, and your lady loves her. So in line with the FHM GF Manual's continuing mission to help boys understand girls, here we discuss the most important things you need to know in case you’re in love with someone who’s in love with Taylor, aka "The Swiftie"!

1)   Swifties are dorks

The other reason why girls like Taylor? Behind the singer's pretty face is a super relatable, awkward dork. So you can't be too papogi when you're dating a Swiftie, because she won't be impressed. Telling her how many pull-ups you can do at the gym or your record for Most Number Of Bicep Curls Done In A Minute will not do.

Tell her about your secret comic book collection. Or your Star Wars action figures. Or that you spend your weekends assembling Gundam model kits. She may not find those interesting, but Swifties generally like dating guys who do not use their muscles to impress girls. Go read. Dorks always get the girl.

2)   Swifties like well-
dressed men

Taylor is honestly one of the most impeccably dressed pop stars the universe has ever known, and nothing you say can change that.

Image via Buzzfeed.com

Hence, dating a Swiftie means you have to elevate your basketball shorts and jersey ensemble into something a little more stylish. Might we suggest a pair of slim-fit jeans, a white V-neck tee, and a leather jacket? The peg is Harry Styles from One Direction. If you don't like boy bands, just tell your friends that you're trying to "pull a Jake Gyllenhaal."

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3)   You have to listen to a Taylor Swift album

If your girl's a Swiftie, you'd simply have to give it a shot. You don't have to like it, but you do have to know some of the songs. (Remember when you tried to make her listen to all that death-goth music and she went along with it? This is, sort of, her candy-colored revenge.)

Taylor's new album, 1989, is actually really catchy, upbeat, and you might just find yourself dancing to it. Don't have the patience to listen to everything? We suggest "Welcome To New York," "Style," and "Blank Space." Familiarize yourself with two or three songs, because those will definitely score you points with the girlfriend.

4)   Find out what her favorite Taylor Swift songs are

Fact: Every girl has a Taylor Swift song for her:

a) Ex-boyfriend
b) Current boyfriend
c) BFF or barkada
d) Crush

Which means she probably has a Taylor Swift song for YOU. Don't be afraid to ask her what yours is.

If she says you're a "Mine," (Flash forward, and we're takin' on the world together/And there's a drawer of my things at your place) or a "Love Story," then the status of your relationship is rock solid. If she says her song for you is "Red," (Fighting with him/Was like trying to solve a crossword/And realizing there's no right answer) or worse, "I Knew You Were Trouble," you are in a bad place, and whatever it is that you did, you should make up for it.

P.S. If she says you do not have a Taylor Swift song, that means you are completely irrelevant in her life, and that you guys should break up. Honest.

5)   Oh, but her song for you isn't
really permanent...

The thing about being in love with someone who's obsessed with Taylor is that she may have a song for when you:

a) Have a fight

b) Kiss and make up

So one minute, she thinks you're totally The One, and then the next she's throwing a fit, singing, "We are never ever, ever getting back together!" Do not panic. This is a phase.

6)   Learn to love the red lip

Image via Tasteofcountry.com

Isn't there a survey that says guys like it when their girlfriends have zero makeup on? Well, your Swiftie girlfriend will probably wear a red lip every day until the rest of...forever. Whatever happens, do not tell her that you'd rather see her without it. Tell her she looks amazing! She looks great! Even if the bold red lip gets in the way of a steamy makeout session.

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7)   Swifties probably take the most time in the bathroom. So whatever happens, don't get mad at her for taking forever

Because she's probably doing a cat eye on her lids. This is it, BTW:

Says our Swiftie expert: "It’s not an easy makeup trick to do. The cat eye is an art, and you cannot rush art."

Our tip: the next time you see the girlfriend with the cat eye, tell her, "Hey, honey, your cat eye looks amazing." She'll be impressed...then wonder where the hell you learned about the cat eye.

8)   Swifties are romantics

Had a huge fight with her? An "Sorry na, babe" text will not do.

Woo her back by knocking on her door at 3 a.m., with your cute puppy dog eyes. Woo her back with flowers! And candy! And don't forget to tell her you were a complete ass-face. Don't believe us? Taylor wrote a no-fail ligaw technique in "How You Get The Girl." MEMORIZE IT.

"Stand there like a ghost, shaking from the rain
She'll open up the door, and say 'Are you insane?'
Say it's been a long six months
And you were afraid to tell her what you want
And that's how it works
That's how you get the girl"

9)   Swifties like cats

Or fluffy animals. If you guys fight and want to make up, fast—give her a pet kitty. She will want to marry you.

And bubbles. She likes them, too.

10)   Swifties like their QT with girlfriends

Girls night out usually means they all gather in the living room and discuss their #feelings. About YOU, mostly. They do this while drinking tea, baking cookies, and jumping on trampolines. They take a million Instagram and Polaroid photos together. Nobody ends up drunk at the bar, because nobody goes to the bar. It’s all very PG-13. Relax.

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