Breakups are always painful. It can take months (or even years) before one completely gets over a relationship. But there's nothing more devastating than being left by your significant other without proper a goodbye—no messages, no calls, no explanations. It can leave you asking yourself what went wrong, feeling stuck in the process. It's completely normal to long for closure.
"Closure is important," explains Dr. Joy-Alvi R. Arañas, counseling psychologist from Pathways Counseling and Assessment Center. "It brings peace and a sense of resolution to move forward."
The most common reason a person suddenly vanishes is the lack of commitment. "Love is a decision to commit," Arañas adds. "If love is based on feelings, it becomes temporary. One suddenly disappears because the love offered becomes temporary and conditional."
Having no official breakup can leave a person hung up on the past, but it doesn't mean that moving on is impossible. The healing process can begin with you.
"It can actually serve as a learning experience in order to grow maturely in your next relationship. Hence, the effect of having no official breakup depends on how you use your past to establish a bitter or better relationship," says Arañas.
The first move is acceptance. Once you've accepted the fact that the relationship is over, then you can most likely plan for your future. This also entails a firm decision to move on.
Don't get tempted to send her a message, stalk her on Facebook, or ask a mutual friend how she is doing. This might just hurt your feelings further. Instead, keep yourself surrounded by your family and friends. Hang out with them more often. Think of things that can help you overcome the negative feelings and start working on it.
"What is helpful to others may not be helpful to you. Hence, it is important to reflect on your own ways of coping. Furthermore, social support is also recommendable. As social beings, we need the support of other people."
Dr. Joy Alvi R. Aranas, RPsy, RGC is a counseling psychologist from Pathways Counseling and Assessment Center. For consultation, you can visit him at 718 Sunday Street St. Joseph Village, Panapaan, City of Bacoor, Cavite.