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What To Tell Your GF If She Asks How Many Women You’ve Slept With

Should you man up and tell her the truth or should you lie to cover up your past?
by Mary Rose A. Hogaza | Aug 25, 2016
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A survey conducted by Superdrug Online Doctor, an online pharmacy based in the United Kingdom, suggests that sharing sex numbers may do more harm than good in a relationship.

Of the 2,000 participants, 30 percent said they'd likely break up with their partner if they found out that they had too many sexual partners in the past.

On average, women consider anyone who had slept with 15 or more partners as "too promiscuous." In addition, more than two-thirds of the respondents think sexual histories should be discussed during the first four months of a relationship.

Obviously it's a sensitive and threatening subject. So if you ever find yourself in the terrifying situation, would you tell her the truth and risk your relationship? Do you change the figure? Or just change the topic?

Maribeth Brown, a family and relationships counselor and a certified hypnotherapist from Las Piñas City, says you have the right to leave the question unanswered until you are totally comfortable to talk about it with your partner.

"People reserve the right to keep some information for the time being or until they are comfortable with sharing," Brown says. "The couple must also have an agreement that they will respect each other as they divulge their past sexual relationships."

With regard to revealing the exact digits, the expert behind the website Maribethbrown.wix.com says: "As far as honesty and acceptance go, yes, give accurate numbers. If you are serious about your relationship then it should be easy for you to be open and honest about your past."

Catherine, 32 and married for almost five years now, agrees: "There's no point in lying. The truth will probably come to the surface sooner or later. This could hurt her trust in you." She adds that you also shouldn't resort to excuses, saying, 'I lost count.' It would sound like you got laid with so many women before and you're just another unworthy guy to go out with."

Rachelle, 25 and in a new relationship, says you shouldn't hesitate to let her know that you're not comfortable to talk about this aspect of your past. "Tell her that you'll let her know when you are ready. I think it's a reasonable answer and if she is a reasonable woman, she will understand."

Dianne, 26 and currently in a three-year relationship, also values the importance of honesty. "Just be honest. She should love you for who you are, including your past. Tell her we all have episodes and you don't want her to judge you for the choices you've made before you met her."

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However, Brown says lying about your sexual history is acceptable if you have "confidentiality agreement" with your ex. "You will need to honor this even if the relationship is over. For example, having a past relationship with a married woman or high-profile individual, information that your new partner may find quite sensitive."

If you want to be honest about your sexual history, it's important that you break the news sincerely.

"If you've had sex with multiple partners, say more than the number of fingers in your hands, then the more you have to come up with a way to say it without sounding like you enjoy foolling around and keeping score, and, therefore, can't be trusted," says Brown. 

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