We believe there’s an opportunity to meet Ms. Right anywhere, but sometimes an impromptu encounter with a stranger can leave even the most fearless man lost for words. When nerves take over, these scenarios often leave you looking like a douche, killing all chances you had at making a connection. Rather than wait for a miracle to happen, let FHM.com.ph be your wingman when approaching the opposite sex. Trust, we'll do our best so that you don't seem scare her away and seem like a creep.
Break the ice
Introduce yourself with some basic information before asking questions about her.
“In starting a conversation, especially with strangers, you need to convey the message that you are trustworthy and that she is safe, ” advises Dr. Joy-Alvi R. Arañas, RPsy, RGC, counseling psychologist from Pathways Counseling and Assessment Center.
If she answers you back politely, it means she might be interested in talking. This is when you can start having superficial conversations about interests and life experiences. Keep it casual. Don't jump in too quickly.
“Women get creeped out if a man interrogates her too much by asking several personal questions during the first meeting,” Arañas warns. “Men should be polite and sensitive enough to her reactions to determine if the questions in mind are still appropriate to ask.”
Keep in mind that your main goal with this first encounter is to let her know that you’re a nice guy with proper intentions.
Pay attention to the body signals
It is important to exude confidence and sincerity when making conversation by being mindful of your gestures.
“Your non-verbal reactions or gestures may convey a positive or negative interpretation to the person you are talking to,” explains Arañas.
Be sincere. Keep a proper amount of eye contact and don't let your curious peepers linger anywhere else. “If a man stares too much, it can create uncomfortable feeling. She may find it scary or intimidating,” Arañas warns.
On the other hand, you also have to understand her body signals—from her facial expressions to her body movements. Raised eyebrows could signal annoyance. A genuine smile will create wrinkles by the eyes. The bottom line is, even if you can’t read her mind, at least you can gauge her thoughts based on her body language.
“It is common for women to be more verbally expressive than men. They tend to elaborate the conversation and you need to be attentive to make a good impression,” says Arañas.
Keep the conversation relevant. Always make her feel that you are interested to listen when she talks. If you don’t know what she’s talking about, be honest by asking questions rather than pretending.
“Saying the right thing for the first time may be helpful to sustain the conversation. Be natural and honest. You will develop a healthy relationship if you allow the person to accept and respect you for who you are.”
Give her compliments
Women love compliments. But it is safer to know the person a little bit more before doling out the compliments in abundance. Make sure that your words will be appreciated rather than met with awkwardness.
“In giving compliments, focus on the best quality you noticed about her,” suggests Arañas. This could be her get-up, hairstyle, or even lipstick. Try not to comment on her body parts. Telling her that she has an outstanding figure might sound like a compliment in your head, but that would only creep the hell out of her. You've only just met, after all. You can save those words of praise for later.
Dr. Joy Alvi R. Aranas, RPsy, RGC is a counseling psychologist from Pathways Counseling and Assessment Center. For consultation, you can visit him at 718 Sunday Street St. Joseph Village, Panapaan, City of Bacoor, Cavite.